2007

It has been quite a year indeed and before I sign off for the rest of it I'd like to say that I'm very grateful for all that I've been able to do this year, the people I've met, and particularly the people I already know and love who've only gotten more fabulous. Happy Holidays!

Off to Miami via Long Island!

All my love,

Barb

Reflections

The first day back from a great trip is always rough, probably one of the things I dislike the most about traveling while gainfully employed. Australia was different, didn't have the pressures of work to come back to. But today everything was kosher for Passover.

On hindsight, the trip was amazing and unlike anything I've ever done. To have a good friend taking you around their country, making every effort to show you the best...I've never really had that. Granted I could have also done with a bit more time to just stroll around but I can always do that next time.

The depth of Japanese cuisine shocked me. The depth of Japanese cuisine beyond seafood completely knocked my off my size 10.5/11 feet. Unreal. The things they do with the most basic ingredients such as tofu, rice and edamame I couldn't imagine they could be so full of flavor. So much so that I feel the need to figure out how to make some of these things at home.

Beyond the food, the people are so nice and polite, though I feel we got a bit of special treatment as gaijins. One thing that scared me a bit was the density of the crowds during the busy hours. I never met a city that could compete with New York in that way but Tokyo definitely wins. The will motor over anything that doesn't move fast enough, even the elderly are the same! ha.

I can't wait to go back again and explore the rest of the country. Though the sheer expanse of Tokyo itself is daunting. It's such a big city. BIG.

For relaxing times...

make it Suntory time.

We went to the Park Hyatt last night and I was the most physically relaxed than I have been in a good while. The view from the 52nd Floor was unbelieveable and the sheer expanse that is Tokyo really slaps you in the face. It truly is a GINORMOUS city, there was no end in any direction. Lights everywhere. The Park Hyatt has mastered the art of ambiance. The space was amazing and the vibe was just as it was in Lost in Translation. It was ridiculously expensive with 3 rounds of drinks and the cover charge but well worth it. A jazz band played some classics, we were in good company, and the view was so clear that you could just admire to your hearts content. Unreal. Personally, I didn't want to leave but the rest of the crew were hungry so we peaced but if anyone is coming to Tokyo I think it's definitely a mandatory stop.

So this trip has been quite the culinary adventure so far. Yesterday(Wednesday) we went to a branch of a restaurant where every dish uses tofu as an ingredient. It was a huge meal and probably my favorite so far. I've also rediscovered my love of red bean paste. So tasty but not overly sweet, a great dessert. I like the pace of meals here, because there is so much ceremony involved (in the fancier establishments) each course is paced out well. Each dish, cup, and utensil has their own place in the space in front of you and each are moved about seamlessly, effortlessly, and with the utmost grace on the part of the server. It's almost a show in itself. I'm obviously not used to this kind of service and the funny thing is is that they don't tip here. At all. So the servers aren't doing this for extra money, they're doing it because it's their job and there is a level of pride involved which I can respect as opposed to the servers in NY who do the barest of minimums (if that) and expect exorbitant amounts of money just for being there. It's a bit backwards.

Toilets. Yes, toilets. There is a covert (which may not actually be so covert) national obsession with toilets. I think some of these contraptions are more advanced than my iPod. There are buttons for spraying, oscillating, drying, it's unbelieveable. My favorite feature by far is heated seats. But even divey bars have clean hi-tech toilets. I mean, as a woman, it works wonderfully for me but it's a very interesting phenomena nonetheless.

Japan Part Ni (2, for you non Japanese speakers)

We spent day two taking almost every mode of transportation known to man. Including: cable car, trolley, train, bullet train, two camels and a horse. Okay maybe not the last two. The on day 3 we took the bus AND the Romancecar. Yes, it's really called the Romancecar but it's just a really nice train, no romance on board (at least not that I'm aware of). So once we got to Hakone we traipsed around the mountains checking out the sights while wading through the masses of senior citizens and I mean MASSES. They may be small but when they have a destination in sight they will push you over with tha quickness. no diggity. no doubt. Anyway, our final destination that night would be Yamadaya, a hot springs 'inn' where we'd have hot spring baths on site. We spent the night in our traditional Japanese robes and were served 3094823490 course meals in our room, it'll make more sense when you see the photos later. it was quite an experience. i had to put bandages on my tattoos bc i guess they aren't very 'traditional' i felt like a leper or something with big bandages all over me. we went to the baths a few times, one of which was outside with views of the surrounding countryside, t'was beautiful. this pic is mount fuji btw. yes, THE mount fuji.

Japan Part 1

Hai! Whatsup party people. We're at the beginning of our second full day. Haven't had much chance to explore Tokyo since the plan is to explore the outskirts with Eri (Chika's sister) during the weekend before she has to go to work eventually...

Anyhoo, it has been pretty damn awesome so far. Alanna dozed off at dinner the first night since we were all supremely exhausted from our flight during most of which I didn't sleep at all. I officially hate American Airlines, the air hosts (aka the pc term for stewards and stewardesses) were old and cranky. I would have nothing against old if they weren't so damn cranky. Walter and I sat together and our damn video screens didn't work which actually ended up being a good thing since I finished Eat, Pray, Love during the flight. Getting into Narita (Tokyo's International Airport) was much less intimidating than what I imagine the reverse experience is for people coming into JFK where they bark and snarl at you as if you were making a run for the border. We spent yesterday in Kamakura, one of the most historical parts of Japan, which was unbelieveably picturesque. Ya'll will see what I'm talkin' about when you see the pics. I've already taken almost 200 pictures. I'm on a mission to find an image for this year's Christmas card after all! We saw the giant buddha, made lots of wishes, threw money into places for good luck, say shrines, temples, and ate some street food. ALL the street food has been spectacular so far. SPECTACULAR. Even the scary fish looked strangely edible though I dare not taste it. Without Chika and Eri I dare say it'd be MUCH harder getting around here, outside of Greece it may be the hardest place to get around without knowing the local language. Today (Monday AM) we're heading to Hakone where the hot springs are so we'll see how that goes. Nekkidness is required, eeek. We're staying there for an overnighter then the few days are all about Tokyo, Tokyo, Tokyo. Sorry this isn't as entertaining as ya'll might expect, there haven't been too many foibles just yet. Going grocery shopping at 7am and buying two bottles of wine and a bottle of sake might be a good highlight so far...

Ciao bellas! Sayonara. Until next time, or until I end up in a Japanese prison.

Oh yes, this means we've arrived safely. :)

Today is the day

we leave for our big trip to Tokyo and while it wont be the longest trip i've ever been on it'll be a slightly different experience than what i'm used to. it's more planned out than anything i've done in recent memory but it was planned by a local and those are always the best experiences. it's a whole new travel group, a whole new city, and i'm a whole lotta excited to see what happens. it's kind of surreal right now that we're even going but perhaps that's because i'm on 4 hours of sleep. it may not hit me until we land or perhaps when we get out of the airport or perhaps when we see chika at Narita. Chika at Narita. Chika at Narita. Chika at Narita. haha. anyway, i'll keep it short.

Awareness

I got out of the subway just now after scurrying about like a rat underground for 40 minutes and really smelled NYC air, possibly for the first time, at 42nd and 6th ave. I had been reading Eat, Pray, Love during my commute and realized that the novel that I had been reading is about awareness. This particular book, much like others worth their salt, incite emotion in people. Some swear by it, others think of Liz Gilbert as a privileged writer paid to travel for a year while she jots down her experience. Boo-effing-hoo. I get the latter but I also believe the former because in my mind you're not supposed to think about who she is because she's sharing her experience which is one that is universal, our quest as people to become aware. At least for those of us who aren't already. Myself included. Back to the air.

I smelled the air when I emerged from the subway and realized that I've smelled it before, it's a familiar city smell (likely a combination of exhaust, dirt and people. ha.) that I've noticeably encountered in my travels to other cities but not in my own. Interesting no? Am I really that absorbed in my day to day and have I been for the last 21 years I've lived here that I've never smelled Eau de NYC? It appears so. The point is not that this city smells so wonderful, because frankly it doesn't, but that I've only bothered to pay attention when I travel- to what a place smells like and from that you can infer that I've missed a lot of other things here too but perhaps conversely also why I like to travel so darn much.

To keep this from becoming a longer yarn than it needs to be on a Wednesday morning I'd like to say that I recognize that I have a tendency to focus on others, possibly in an attempt to deflect from focusing on myself. I would like to be more aware of myself and my surroundings and will work on this as I'm able. Starting with my supinated gait.

Oh and I still love NY desperately.

Intensity

Just watched the season finale of Californication and the most recent episode of Weeds. I think I like the former because one of the main protagonists is a lovesick writer a very well spoken one at that who really knows how to get across what he thinks and feels. But he's no wuss. He can throw down with anyone yet joke around freely with his friends. I think I admire him in a way.
Not that I want to be lovesick or throw down but I really appreciate the intensity of his emotion and his willingness to put it out there. Yes he's older, likely wiser and perhaps with less pride to lose but one would think it could possibly be harder to admit fault and give in to starting over even if the other person is willing. I think I just appreciate people who wear their heart on their sleeve in any realm, not just romantic. Life's too short right? Isn't that what "they" always say? I still have yet to figure out who "they" really is but I feel that if we quote "them" all the time "they" must be speaking from a place of authority. haha. It's why I like this particular show. I appreciate the intensity because that's how I am when I feel strongly about things. Actually, I think I'm generally fairly intense but luckily I know how to temper it. I don't think there's anything wrong with knowing what you like and don't like because honestly, it's hard enough being sure of that in itself so why not just express it. I like to think that most of the people I hold close to me in life either appreciate intensity or are intense themselves. It's a highly underrated quality because most associate it with craziness or 'too much too soon,' or 'they're desperate.' Honestly, I agree, there are some crazies out there who play crazy off as intensity but I think those of us who are aware can tell the genuine article from those who should seek professional assistance. I'm so mean. In any case, if people have problems with my intensity they're not as involved in my life or perhaps not at all but that's by their choice so I don't feel bad about it. It's one of my defining qualities...

Lucky

I'm sad. Sad bc there are so many people who aren't as lucky as I am. I just watched a Spanish movie called 'Princesa,' which is about these two young prostitutes in Madrid. One did it out of desperation to support her son, the other had such a sad life that being a whore almost seemed like an improvement. We don't know why her life was bad but we just know it was. I can't imagine the depths of sadness and desperation one must feel in that situation. I just can't. What I can't imagine even more is why some people are given that path in life and why I'm so lucky to have all that I have. I'm not going to ignore the fact that I've created a lot of my own happiness but why can't others do the same? Is it bc they're so far down that they can't pick themselves up? I don't get it. It seems that when people are down they do one of three things, they pull themselves together and get back on their feet or they choose to keep along on the same path or worse yet they fall victim to the path of the downward spiral.

Some people need help getting up.

I want to be that person for all the people I care about in my life...

Because while life can be a bitch it can also be wonderous and I want it to be wonderous as much as possible for everyone involved. I'm not gonna deny that it's a bit selfish of me bc if everyone around me is happy then what else is left for me but happiness? :)

Quality

So I'm looking at my ipod playlist on itunes, i have a teeny nano that holds about 1800 songs. One would think that'd be enough no? NO! everytime M gives me new music i have to pick through what i have to see what's 'deletable' in order to fit more new tunes. it's frustrating bc it takes time to wade through music and to figure out whether you want to keep it or not. Luckily Britney's new album is easily expendable within listening to the entire thing in minutes. J-Lo's album is a but better but nuttin is grabbing me at the moment. My point is that it's the eternal debate of quality vs. quantity. We're raised in a society that always wants more more more and though intellectually i (and I hope we) know that more is not necessarily better it's a hard concept to resist sometimes. I think we've become hoarders which, if you've been to my apt, is obv a problem since I've just got so much crap.

In any case, I have a removable harddrive of music that has been Barb tested and approved and I have to be okay with knowing that I possess the music but that i can't access it whenever i want on the b-pod. Luckily, if Britney (j-Lo ain't sounding too much better at this point) keeps putting out this crap (full disclosure, I love Gimme More. Britney, gimme more o' dat yo!) I wont have such debates of music conscience.

On a similar note, there was an issue raised this week of "Are the Chinese Trying to Kill Us?" It was a posting about the recent news regarding questionable products coming out of China. DUMAS, the country of China is not trying to kill your hick ass. Stop being so egocentric. Every company is responsible for their own product. If they choose to be cheap and compromise the materials, labor, and quality control it's their ish to deal with if the product comes out horribly wrong. Do you expect the doubtless billions of factory workers (likely poor) in China have any control over A. What they make or B. How safe the product is? They're just content to have a job. There aren't unions (that I'm aware of) there to fight for workers rights as there are in the U.S. It's likely that the Chinese workers are probably getting ill from making the stuff. So are the Chinese trying to kill themselves too? It's ignorance like that that SEVERELY pisses me off. I'm no advocate for China. I've never been and have no real desire to go. Yes, I was born in Hong Kong but that's not the point. Blanket, and purposely inflammatory statements like that are obviously NOT thought through and while free speech is one of the great things about this country (and the internet) it's statements like that that encourage hate and xenophobia. Someone always has to be blamed. It must be the 'other.' I love free speech but if you're going to blame someone, blame the source not the minions.

FYI- ALL of J-Lo's songs sound the same, it's like one continuous loop.

The Wedding

As many of you know I had what was likely one of the biggest weddings of my life this past weekend. It was emotional, draining, and incredible all at once. It's strange watching someone you grew up with from the very awkward high school years walk down the aisle. I've known so many stages of her and they were all very different. But watching her walk down the aisle was reassuring, she just looked straight ahead at her groom, completely calm and with full confidence. As she said, she couldn't even look at me bc she heard me sniffling. I'm a sap. Duh. In any case, it was amazing to see how confident she was. Isn't that what we all wish for? We all want to be with someone who we trust...completely, love...unconditionally, and feel...safe with. Good for her, young bride!

In any case, I am pooped, a little sad, a little amazed, and alot excited for them. Sad because it made me think that I have a long way to go, amazed that she's officially a wife, and excited to see what lies ahead for them. But I recognize that the sadness is momentary.

I was telling J yesterday that I occasionally have these flashes of overwhelming sadness and I'm never quite sure where they come from or what triggers them but I also know that if I felt that way all the time I'd probably have to kill myself. ha. But they are flashes, blips, and only seconds long. Upon reflection I think it's a sense of 'abandonment' and maybe even 'loneliness' that i've grown up with in my unconventional childhood that floods me on occasion and serves as a reminder of just how my emotional development may even be a little stunted because of it but really I think it reminds me of how different i am, how unlike everyone else i may be. sounds dramatic i know but i've yet to meet anyone who's in the same situation as me. suffice it to say i've met people who've had it worse but still not the same. which makes me realize that this is maybe why i like to be so occupied, why i like to be surrounded by people as much as possible. and that's not to say that i don't like to be alone (which i do) but perhaps i don't like too much time to be 'still.' perhaps why i choose to focus on others and not myself. perhaps why i'm so concerned with people liking me. it's all very interesting how someone like me turns being left alone as a child into an all out 24-7 party as an adult. if you know me, it makes sense and you probably know all of this already anyway. but i also like who i am, sometimes i am concerned that i don't consider my own feelings enough but overall i've really got nuttin to complain about. nuttin. i got all kinds of compliments this weekend and i appreciate them. i know that generally, i am in a good place so don't take this whole diatribe the wrong way, it's just me writing myself out as i'm prone to do. a bit of introspection never hurts and i've always enjoyed it. oh and just because i was left alone at one point doesn't negate the fact that i've had a very supportive family behind me from then onward. it's probably a woe-is-me way for me to think of myself so that i can hear reinforcement from other people. but enough of this heavy stuff.

what's up with you? nuttin' what's up with you? nuttin' what's up with you?

- what movie is that from?

waking up

today i woke up happy to be alive. why? no idea. i just did and noted the feeling. did something happen last night to trigger it? well if you mean hanging out with awesome people and having a good time as i've always done, then yes. it's nice to wake up and feel good about your life. no, i'm not saving lives or changing the world but i think everyone benefits in one way or another when people are happy. so the lesson of the day is be happy, be glad to be alive.

also, karma is a biatch. believe it.

The Unattainable

what makes it so appealing? the challenge? the thought of the challenge? who knows? i'm watching Californication right now which is all about a guy who goes after unavailable women after he's let the 'love of his life' leave him and get engaged to someone else. i think it may be one of my biggest fears in life: letting someone/something go that was just oh-so-right. which is why i think i don't voluntarily let people out of my life. why i cling on to everyone i even remotely get along with in any way and i'm not just talking about romantic attachments here. honestly. the people i like, i like. and why not make the best effort to find out whether we can be great friends or not? i mean, yes, there are many ppl in this world but only a small percentage of which we'll actually click with so for me i think i'd rather just throw myself in and find out for sure. no regrets right? makes sense why i've at least made out with most of my friends. you figure if you click with them in one way why not try the other? slutty as that may sound, and i really resent that word in a serious way, it's true. now, why do i resent that word? bc it's use has become gender biased. when a man, is a slut he's a mack. when a woman's a slut, she's a ho? what? who? why? puuuulease. as long as you enjoy yourself who the hell cares and the people around you shouldn't either if they're worth their salt. peace!

Dilly dallying

and wandering are highly underrated activities. as much as i like planning i equally enjoy not having an itinerary. it's freeing to just be able to go without a destination or thought of time. it's partly why my trip earlier this year was so great. m and i would just roll outta bed and start walking. rarely with a destination in mind. just walked until we wanted to stop somewhere. i didn't even wear a watch for most of that month unless we had to catch a flight/bus. this weekend was kinda like that and i relished it. luckily i was with ppl who could also appreciate the aimlessness and were equally non-committal to anything else. the bonus was that it was a beautiful night in the big city so we just ended up hopping around to the bars with outdoor seating along smith st. did yet another scorpion bowl. still gross after all these years. anyway, i just wanted to say it was freeing, relaxing, and a nice change of pace for this control freak. ;)

onward to a week of virgo bdays! happy happy! love you much.

The wisdom that is...SATC

"I love you too Richard but I love me more."

Just watched SATC with my seriously addicted, of course she didn't catch the fever til after the show ended, roommate. In any case, what a great quote right? It's a nice slap in the face to whoever the offender is, poignant, and sometimes (dammit) you have to put yourself first. Something I've never been too good at. You figure you're born the way you are for a reason right? Everything should work coming out of the showroom, shouldn't it? Maybe. Maybe not. I guess it depends, sometimes it's your environment and the people around you that force you to change whether it's conscious or not. I think it may all be situational. You wouldn't change if there wasn't a need to would you? We're all need-based creatures after all. The things we need change from person to person but the innate instinct is the same. So at that moment, Samantha realized that while she needed Richard (in whatever way), she recognized that she needed to be personally fulfilled first and foremost. Yay Samantha! Yes yes, laugh away that I'm making SATC so deep but it provoked the aforementioned thought.

awhile

it has been. just haven't had the time. so much going on right now between work and life. plus birthday season is coming up and they are always some of the closest of friends who have bdays in sept. i ain't really complainin' tho. i've got it sweet. i've got awesome friends, great interests, and i've done most of what i've wanted to do this summer. it's characteristic of me to overbook myself so i shouldn't be shocked that i'm so effing busy. but honestly i'd rather be busy than bored.

it's interesting bc i always thought i had so much to write but honestly unless i have an observation of some sort i only write when i'm in turmoil and that's pretty rare for someone as even tempered as me. i'm fairly introspective as it is, so there's really no need to jot things down. but i will whenever the fancy strikes me, especially when i want to post stats about the ppl in my life.

i saw Feist last night and i really really do like her. i think she has an awesome voice that sounds as good live as it does on record. rare these days since everything is electronically enhanced. blah.

m and i also got tix to kelly clarkson, i loved her first album, cheesy as that may be. and whoever said i'm not cheesy obv didn't know me well. i can't wait. debating about Bebel again, not sure i really like Webster Hall as a venue plus it's right in the middle of bday extravaganza month.

speaking of sept, it's almost time to go to the lake again, so exciting. i love it, so much fun. it'll be a diff group this time. it'll be different yet hysterically fun.

then of course, there's the wedding. the big big wedding. very exciting yet also very intimidating. i'm the maid, i need a speech. ahhh. unda pressure. oh well, it's a good kinda pressure.

Fake Beach!

Here I come. Heading to the Brooklyn Bridge Park "Beach" should be interesting. Who cares, just need some sun.

Had an intense convo last night that was cathartic and exceptionally worthwhile, helped me sort ish out. T'was awesome.

Am on 4 hours of sleep, hope I make it to Timberlake without conking out.

Am absolutely in love with Justin Timberlake (diff from above). He's such a great performer. So what if his show is completely rehearsed and without spontaneity? SO talented.

Am still continuously in love with Madonna. Don't worry Madge, I'll never leave you.

Am desperately in love with my friends...

Am disgustingly excited to see Mr. Taylor even though I'm too tired to REALLY express it.

- 'Cuz I ain't no Harlem black girl.'

A New Motto

I think will be, work hard play harder. Now while most of you think I couldn't possibly play harder, I believe the possibility is out there. I'm working harder than ever and I feel BAHOOBA coming out soon and she's ready for a rampage. In case you haven't caught on BAHOOBA is my Hyde, though she's not a misanthrope, she just gets a lil crazy now and again. Those who have seen her can attest. But really what's the point of working hard unless there's a light at the end of the tunnel? A release. A point where you can sigh and escape until it starts up again. One day I'll have kids and a spouse to be the 'light' but for now it's ME. DAMMIT. Look out NYC!

god I'm such a cheeseball. how do you deal with me? :)

Summer

Is flying by and I've only been to the beach once! What a tragedy. Work is tough right now but it just makes me more determined to enjoy my damn weekends! Say it with me people.

Worky MacWorkington

Today was an important day career-wise, at least I think so. I've signed on to be the interim editor at a lifestyle portal since the current (amazing) Senior Editor is leaving for another position E.O.D. tomorrow. From what I can see, she's been a 1-woman army there for the last few years and I'm a little, more than a little intimidated. The prospect of the new is exciting and I think once I get into it (and make a few mistakes) I'll be okay. It's just something that has come out of left field since they only mentioned it to me last Wednesday. I also, know that this company isn't the quickest at hiring replacements, which is frightening in that I can be there for awhile. On the other hand maybe it's my chance to stake my claim and get in on the inside. I dunno, I'll have to see what transpires at the meeting tomorrow morning and I guess I'll have a better idea. The thought of having some freedom is intriguing as well. Like my predecessor said, "you must've done something right to get here." We'll see my friend. We'll see.

Statistics regarding friends of Bahooba

I know...

5 unrelated people with the initials JF

4 unrelated people with the initials LC

I am no longer taking friend applications from anyone who's a Virgo or has a name that starts with the letters J or M

2 Megumis

2 Japanese people who are also fluent in French (not the two Megumis)

1 Bang

1 Chika

1 Winter

2 Jamies

2 Phils

2 Walters

4 Joshes

2 Julies

2 Steves

2 Lees

4 Women taller than me

Countless shorter

2 Minnesotans

5 People who worked at GTO at some point

1 Narcoleptic (you know who you are Sandy)

3 People who work at Spice Market

2 Trained dancers and a whole bunch of amateurs. :)

Dozens of Asians who don't claim to seek out other Asians and yet manage to have mostly Asian friends.

Dozens of alcoholics who really like to brunch and beach. Not simultaneously.

Are generally afraid of Brooklyn and are reluctant to go if they don't already live there.

4 iPhones

60% know me through someone else.

Most of Edgemont High School though I didn't attend.

Zero people could name my high school other than those privileged enough to attend avec moi.

And am willing to bet that many people think I went to Binghampton University, located somewhere in the Hamptons.

8 NYC natives

They're all wonderful and know and love each other. Amazing!

Disclaimer: Don't quote me on these as they are not official tabulations rather they are rough estimations and an exercise in hilarity. TGIF!

On a lighter note

And now for something not so heavy I'd like to write about some wine. Until I can Yelp about it, I'll put some of my faves here. I recently ordered the Dyed-in-the-Wool 2005 Sauvignon Blanc from of Winestilsoldout.com. I confess, I bought it for 3 reasons:

1. The label is awesome.
2. It's from Marlborough, New Zealand, an area famous for sauvys.
3. Please see 1.

Then I opened the bottle. By now, winos know that screw caps are no longer just for cheapo bottles. It seems that it's mostly the French and Italian wine making traditionalists who are the die hard cork users these days. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I believe that cork can certainly add flavor to a wine that'll be aged but I ain't in that price realm yet. I tend to stick to the $10 and under category. The wine is delicious. It's light. It's slightly tart. Not too fruity. Not much of a scent though I venture to say that it tastes better than what you can smell. Overall, I would say it's a great summer wine and a good value at that.

This is another fave white; Hofer Grüner Veltliner 2006 (Auersthal, Austria). First of all, it comes in and awesome liter sized green bottle that has a bottle cap top. Beat that! Beer drinkers then to think it's some ginormous brew they've never seen. I know I know. I'm being superficial here by going with looks when I should be going by taste but honestly if winemakers don't put effort into presentation I probably wont buy it. It's a whole package deal for me. This is another perfect summer white that goes down REAL easy. Especially when it's very chilled. I've brought it to a few people's homes when I've been invited over and it has been a hit every time. I've never had someone try it that didn't like it. It's smooth. Light. Tasty.

Now for my favorite red; Enrique Foster Malbec Reserva 2003 (Mendoza, Argentina). This MAY be my all-time favorite. I had it twice the last time I was in Argentina this past February at two different restaurants and both times it was spectacular. Spectacular. It was a special the night at Gran Bar Danzon (my fave resty in Buenos Aires, possibly one of my faves in the universe, at the risk of sounding like a snot). Full disclosure, Malbecs are my favorite in general but this one was on another level. It had SO much flavor. So deep, rich, and gorgeous. It's tasty very indulgent, so much so that it almost felt sinful. Everyone at our table loved it and there were 4 discerning gay men with me. Tough crowd right? I highly recommend it, and at $20 it's a bargain. This is one of the few bottles I'd cross over the $10 threshold for. I love it. Desperately. I've never loved a wine so much from the start. P.S. This bodega only makes Malbecs so I'm betting that the others are pretty damn good as well though I've never really had any.

ENJOY!

Today

It was effing scary to be a New Yorker today. You assume every happenstance is another 9-11. Can't help it even though I wasn't in the city when that happened. It was scary. It was scary. It was scary. No joke, that ish happened right outside of my building. CNN reports 1 death so far, I predict there will be a few more. Imagine being one of those ppl that died because of a transformer exploding. No way yo. No way. What a waste. You can't help but question your mortality when crap like this happens. People were breaking down, crying, screaming, abandoning ship and what are you supposed to do? It was horrible and I'll never forget that feeling though I'm glad it's nothing more serious. Treasure life. Spend it with people you love. You never know.

A Favorite Quote

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the places and moments that take our breath away. - Anonymous

Simmer down now!

I need to relax. Not everything is THAT serious. Enjoy!

Pet peeves

It’s a wonder how people you’re close to can still be so innately different but I guess that’s the wonder of being human right? Everyone is built differently and one thing that affects one person may be something someone else doesn’t give a second thought to. It’s all insanely interesting to me yet, on occasion, drives me mad. A lot of people don’t read, listen, or ‘do’ carefully in my humble opinion. Perhaps it’s all used up in their professional capacities? Maybe they don’t feel the need to keep to the same standard with people who are supposed to be casual friends. Perhaps they just don’t care to or think of it as necessary? And that is all fine. People are entitled to their ways of being but it’s SO opposite to my behavior that I’m having a hard time comprehending it. Of course, any hardship I’m having is self-imposed. I mean, how can I fault other people if I’m the only one who cares? Or just one of the few. Is it nitpicky? Don’t I have better things to worry about? Why do some behavioral things in other people irritate me so? I’m normally so laid back yet the few things in this genre can get me riled up oh-so-quickly. I guess there’s a reason why it’s my #1 pet peeve. I wonder where that expression comes from. Is it because the peeve becomes so much a part of the person that it’s considered a pet? Ha.

Wax on. Wax off. Over and out.

The 4th!

Better yet, lets start with the 3rd. I drove out to the Isle of Long at around 8pm Tues night after I got an oil change where the mechanic promptly ripped off the cover of my muffler and handed it to me. Apparently it was dangling off and it's not so necessary. We'll see. In any case, we were on the LIE by 8:30 and at our destination before 10 which was quite the accomplishment since we basically traversed the length of 495. We get there and proceed to eat A's mom out of house and home. Luckily we brought our own 'beverages' otherwise I'm sure we would have consumed every ounce of alcohol in her house. Because thats what we do. We headed down to the beach nearby with a full bottle and a bag backed to the brim with fireworks. We dubbed W Robin Hood Prince of Thieves* because he looked like he was carrying a bow and arrow from behind. Guess you had to be there. Anyway, we setup camp on the beach at this campfire already inhabited by a few neighborhood kids with one chaperone. We chatted, we shared fireworks, all was peaceful in Nottingham (*see previous reference) until voices started rising from afar. Three of our friends were by the water chatting with the chaperone and he apparently decided that it was a good time to discuss political views. DOn't we all know NOT to discuss politics when there is alcohol involved? HELLOOOOOOOOOOOO. Earth to. Needless to say, there were opposing views and there wasn't going to be a middle ground. Long story short, a beer can was thrown and we decided it was best to head back to the casa and away from the intoxicated lunatic/chaperone asap. Way to set a good example for the kids pops. The worse part is the kids didn't seem surprised at his outburst. Apparently this is normal behavior for him? How sad, when teenagers have to apologize for their parents 3 times their age.

Being a glass half full kinda group we brought the positive energy back up and hung out at the compound for a few more hours until bedtime. We got up the next day and prepped for a jaunt to a farily unexplored area of Fire Island. Tt couldn't have been more Castaway if we tried. Sans the drama and being stranded part. The 9 of us played tag football, ate lots of hot dawgs with stellar onion sauce, and participated in general merriment until the rain clouds approached and once again beat a hasty retreat to the mainland.

Back at A's dad's house, we ate more, relaxed more, laughed more, until we couldn't anymore. The rain kept us from lighting off the remainder of our contraband fireworks and for the last time on this trip we made a hasty retreat back to the big city. We were fortunate to catch the fireworks show as we drove over the Manhattan Bridge. Traffic came to a complete stop. People got out of their cars. It was quite a sight. There were big explosions of sound and color in either direction of the dark sky.

After a few lost bags, and redirects, I got home, pounced on my bed and announced to myself, "yet another successful summer shenanigan." Good stories. Great friends. Every opportunity I get to hang out and engage with people I learn more. The whole picture kinda comes together as far as who people are and why. Does that make sense? It's always easy to make assumptions about others when you don't know better. We all do. Maybe that's why I'd rather leave myself as an open book. That way people have the correct information to make their assumptions because I know when left to my own devices and when lacking details I create outlandish assumptions that have little semblance to reality. Oh that imagination of mine.

an apology

so i had one of those mornings when you're dragging ass and feel the weight of the world on your shoulders. do you ever have those days? it's rare, i mean 90% of the time i'm very much positive and half full rather than half empty but today i felt almost empty. well, this morning. throughout the day i kinda gathered myself, talked to some peeps and now i'm pretty much a-ok and just in need of some sleep.

i think it gets harder and harder to recover from great days/weekends. i can't help but think, 'why can't every day be this great?' i had an awesome, jam packed with fun weekend. i want everyday to be like that but i guess if it were we wouldn't appreciate it now would we?

sometimes i think i give to much (by choice). i want to do everything and be there for everyone but it is hard, it's taxing both emotionally and physically and i have to learn to think of myself first sometimes and say no. but i don't want to say no, i've never really had to but i think i've managed to overextend and not quite sure how to go about fixing it. i love to take care of other people but i rarely let anyone take care of me. i need to let go and let other ppl take charge sometimes and realize that it's okay. have patience when things aren't done at the speed and quality i desire. let my friends be my friends and visa versa and not have me be their mother. it's alot of responsibility i've CHOSEN to take on, and i have to recognize that i can't be perfect in any arena bc it's impossible. perfection is unreachable but we all try for it don't we? i have flaws, many of them. i must let some of the pride go and accept that i can't be everything to everyone or be everywhere at once and that no one is going to judge me for it. i've tested it out here and there and it's fine. people understand, i'm not going to lose anyone bc i didn't go to a damn open bar, no one worthwhile at least. other people do it all the time but i am my worse critic. i have insecurities. i am human. i will be fine. accept that people will still love me if i have a few misses here and there. bc in the end we all just want to be accepted right? accepted and loved. possibly the two most important concepts in my life right now. i try not to judge people and i have to believe that others wont judge me for petty ridiculousness. i blame my complexes on many things. being a minority of a minority of a minority was hard growing up and i've never really expressed it until recently. i guess i've come a long way from the hermit i once was. actually i went in the complete opposite direction and perhaps i haven't found the medium. yes. mayhaps. balance. i've never had great physical balance but hope to find it conceptually. soon enough. hopefully i'll also regain some of the patience i've lost along the way. one of my favorite quotes found during my travels is, "never mess up an apology with an excuse" so in this apology to myself, even though i know where i can place the blame i wont use it as an excuse to keep on in this manner. bc i owe myself better. more. thank you words, my hands and blogland for helping me sort out my thoughts once again. ciao!

oh and don't forget to check out our fab new music video! it's much more lighthearted than this post!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2LJxnihyXxk

Time

It seems that the only time I have to blog these days is on the weekend, oh well. It's better that I don't have too much time to sit and think anyway. Besides, it's summer and i'd rather be out and about. The weekend started with an unexpected 4am rager Thurs night. geezus. I've gotta stop going places where I know the bartender. I was a bit fat ginormous mess til noon the next day. Needless to say, being at work was interesting but I was in much better shape than a certain someone else who made it into her office at a decidedly more leisurely hour past 9am. Damn that shellfish. Adolescent as it might sound I love those random unexpected nights and I REALLY enjoy rehashing it the next day. So mature I know. I know. A bunch of us spent the day in Long Beach yesterday and it was one of the magical summer days. It was relaxing, full of laughter and slightly unexpected and we couldn't have asked for a better day weatherwise. There was a beautiful breeze but the sun was strong. Barely a cloud in the sky. Once again, a great group of people. God I love summer. And today, drum roll please, is Pride. Usually one of the best days of the year bc people are just out and about without a care in the world. So what if it's a Sunday! In any case, I must be en route to J + J's party. Enjoy!

Cities I've Visited

According to a new Facebook application I've visited at least 56 cities. That's alot of effing places and I know there's more bc there were cities I entered that weren't listed. Lucky me.

So A and I cohosted a party last night at his ridiculously awesome casa (or you can call it the casa of ridiculousness depending on how you look at it). Two blood gushing wounds later from two different ladies (and of course I was one of them) I'd say it was a huge success! I can't remember the last time I left a house party at 3am. Must have been good right? The eternal question is, why do some people love to party and others, not so much? What is in my blood besides lots of alcohol that urges me to party until I can't stand any more (doesn't happen often). Can it be explained away by saying that I'm an extrovert? A people pleaser? Or just generally friendly? If I had to come up with a reason I'd say that I will basically do anything that has even a remote chance of making me laugh and have a good time. You say, don't most people? I say, I may be more aware of 'good time potential' than most. I think about everything I do in the international currency of fun. And damn it if I'm not good at it. Challenge me! I dare you. ;) Why not make sure that everything you do is worthwhile and memorable? What's the point otherwise? Who wants to be remembered as a workaholic (not that that would ever happen) or a square? F that party people. Surround yourself with like-minded people like I have and live like you mean it!

Lake Vino 2007

As I anticipated, this weekend was amazing. We drove leisurely up to Seneca Lake over some unpaved roads and through trees to find a lakeside oasis. The house owner's pics didn't do the place justice. Plain awesome.

But what was more awesome was having 11 people (not all of which knew each other) have such a great time. The sheer amount of laughter and genuine good cheer was well worth it. Honestly my throat hurt on Sunday from to much laughing and screaming. How many people can say that? I got to know a few people better and languished in the glow of people I already love. This year's music video made it's debut and it is just as fabulous as the first. Look out for it!

Moments

Do you realize that as you walk by people they're all possibly having huge moments in their lives and that it's something you're a part of just by being in the vicinity as a spectator? I walked by the local cobbler this morning and caught a moment when he was talking to his wife and his hand went to grasp his forehead. By his gestures I would say whatever they were discussing was a bit of a shock to him but it was only a second of time in all our worlds and that's what I saw. Then I remembered recently that while I was on Long Island there was a police standoff blocks away and I thought, 'Geez, there are people steps away who are likely going through serious emotional and/or physical drama.' Obviously there's nothing to do about it as a spectator but it's something that struck me.

Another awesome quote

So I believe I've decided to get another tattoo but like the others, I'd like it to mean something. There are many quotes that I absolutely love but I can't have a novella written on my body now can I? I think I want something that means, "seize the moment." Perhaps I'll use those exact words but I want to find a nice script to match it. Just now I came across yet another quote that I really really like and I wanted to share with my adoring public even if it is just 1 or 2 of you. :P

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!”

I like that sentiment. Do you?

TGIF

It's Friday night and I'd rather stay in.

I'd rather hang out with friends than go to a bar.

I'd sooner freelance than be a staffer stuck doing other people's crap.

The thrill I get from planning trips with friends is just about as great as a rollercoaster ride.

I'd rather know that I've done something to earnestly help people even if it wears on me than stand by and do nothing.

I'd rather action over caustic static.

I'd rather routine with a side of impulse than dubious uncertainty from day to day.

I surround myself with people who laugh heartily and often.

I'd rather people speak what is in their heart and not what they think should be said.

I think I read people very well.

Sometimes I'd rather drive without a destination.

I love traveling but I'll always come back here.

I crave simplicity with the occasional fun drama.

I value laughter, loyalty, honesty and love above all.

I need to stop watching The Tudors.

Communication

Is probably one of the most important things in life. The people closest to me are the ones I communicate best with and who make the effort to return the favor. Communication includes constructive criticism and I think it's a very healthy thing to hear occasionally. The roomie and I had a discussion the other day about how I basically have no patience anymore. She thinks, and I concur, that it's partly because I often take on the responsibility of planning events voluntarily and then when I get additional questions related to the event I sometimes get annoyed and snappy. I think I've adopted the mentality where anything that takes up additional time (that I don't want to give) is a waste. I think the other part of this is from growing up in NY. The pace is so fast and I love it but after taking a month off to travel where I basically lost all concept of time and then to come back...it takes some adjusting and getting used to. My point is, is that I need the roomie to point it out to me. Now I'm aware of it I'll adjust my temper accordingly. Done and done. Isn't that much easier? I told her that I appreciated her taking the time to talk to me because I don't want to be snappy and I don't want her to live with someone like that. It's a good situation all around and I would dare say that this is why we're so close. We're unafraid to analyze and constructively criticize so it works. I think this mentality has infiltrated other relationships in my life as well so I do get frustrated when others don't communicate as efficiently but everyone's different so what can I do. I hope eventually to get to that level with most people I encounter because I find it the way to be. Just know that I'd rather chat then not and would generally rather be aware of shortcomings so that I can work on them. Capiche? Fabulous! I'm off to enjoy the sunshine. Go forth!

hey yo

so it's officially the first weekend of summer. finally! i wait for this every year and i'm never disappointed. the days of wearing flip flops, minimal clothing, and running around outdoors make me very happy. sometimes i wonder why i don't live in a warmer climate but then i remember what a great city this is. well worth suffering through winter. plus it allows me to indulge my coat fetish. let summer begin!!!!!!!!!

Afterglow

Bebel was unbelieveable and her opener, Federico Aubele wasn't too shabby either. She was soulful and energetic even with a broken ankle that's on the mend. I've got MAJOR respect for people who so obviously love what they do so very much. It makes their energy contagious and I think that (and a cup of hazelnut coffee pre-show) was what kept me wide-eyed til the wee hours. Even though I was desperate to fall asleep since I had to get up at 7am I was excited because I was thinking about some things that I want to do and say in the near future. Even though some of it was impractical, it was still fun to think about. Any way, back to Bebel. I highly recommend her to anyone who reads this that is unfamiliar. She just channels visions of beaches and relaxation, how could that possibly be anything but wonderful? And if you want to meet Brazilians in New York I suggest you go to her show tonight. I didn't feel like I was in NY at all between the Spanish fans there for Federico and the Brazilian contingent. I even ran into my tatoo artist there (Brazilian) who let use cut the line with him. Gramercy Theatre is a nice venue that bears some resemblance to Bowery Ballroom in size. It was a good evening and well worth the restless night.

Bebel Gilberto

Today is Bebel day! Going to see her in concert this eve at Gramercy Theatre. Why do I like her? Because I think of all the things on my "simple pleasures" list whenever I hear her music ie., beach, summer, driving, etc. It's all positive music, or perhaps it's because she generally sings in Portuguese and I have no idea what she's saying but it sounds upbeat and positive. Heh. I just downloaded her latest from iTunes called Momento, I highly recommend it and happily disposed of a bunch of songs on my iPod to make room for it. This whole Nano thing makes me a cutthroat biatch! I just willingly dispose of music to load whatever catches my fancy. I'm so fickle. Fickle I tell you.

I'm also thinking about getting the new Bjork too since I liked some of her older stuff (namely Homogenic and Post) but the more recent albums have been a bit weird just like I couldn't get into Dancer in the Dark. We'll see about that one.

Quote of the Day

From one of my fave shows:

'The more it might hurt.
The more I might die doing it.
The more worth doing it must be.'

- Marlee Matlin as Jody Lerner on the L Word

ready?

aren't you happy i gave you the weekend off? had a football double-header yesterday and honestly, at the risk of sounding dumb, i didn't even know we won the second game until much later. yes. yes. yes. believe it. the last time i paid attention we were down so i kept that mentality through the rest of the game. yes i was actually playing. i just didn't keep track. i actually had two really good games but i like to go out and play and not think about scores because then i just get wrapped up in numbers. again i realize i sound retarded but whatever, we won.

the best part of football is actually how it brought me to yet another amazing group of people. i consider myself ridiculously lucky as far as friends go. unbelieveably so. i've got great friends already and i just keep adding on. i call this group on my cell phone 'the easys' and not for any reason other than that they will do anything at any moment. always game. always ready to go. so just because of that we spend a lot of time together. we travel as a pack these days and it's great fun every time. of course, me being me, i'm always mixing people together which i find (when it works) to not only make the "how do you know each other?" question exponentially harder to answer but more importantly it forms a group of like-minded people who truly enjoy each other's company with minimal drama. am i making sense? probably not. but the next time you see a group of people out and about having a good time on a roof, in a bar, or on the football field it's likely us and please do say hi and join in.

oh and it's not a painless sport. i just sneezed and it hurt. we ain't no sissies!

Storm King

Milee and I went to Storm King Art Center (http://www.stormking.org/) yesterday. It didn't take too long to get there, prob less than 1 hr. Way worth it. I've never been to such a huge outdoor space filled with sculptures large and small. At times I'd look around and be like, "ooh there's another one." It's about 300 acres and it's unbelieveably relaxing either to just stroll around or you can hop on one of the tours. The tram tour is pretty cool. We left in a state of lethargy sometime in the late afternoon. Plus you can bring a picnic and camp out a bit to break up the strolling. I'm not a huge museum goer or art lover but there's something to be said about giving your brain a shake by exposing it to something unfamiliar. Funny enough, the last time I was at a museum was also with Milee except it was the Museo Picasso Malaga where I felt the same sense of calm. I recognize that I can appreciate art and interpret it as I like but that's the extent of my interest and that's just dandy.

How lucky am I?

So I was writing this cover letter last night that asked me to recount every place I've been including dates, duration and highlights. As an hour ticked away I realized just how m*therflippin' lucky I am to have been able to go to all these awesome places.

I was born in Hong Kong and came back and forth from New York for at least 10 years of my youth. In high school (1997) I spent 10 days touring the Italian trifecta (Rome, Florence and Venice). During my senior year (1998) I traveled to London, Bath and Edinburgh. Once at college I studied abroad in London (January- May of 2001) for 5 months but not before I spent New Years in Hong Kong over 10 days. While abroad I had the opportunity to explore Prague (6 days), Paris (twice-4 days each time), a day trip to Versailles, two weeks in Greece and Italy for Spring Break (including Athens, Mykonos, Poros, Hydra, Rome, Florence, and Venice), Brussels, Amsterdam (4 days), Barcelona (6-days), Ibiza (3-days). I believe that's the extent of my international travels through college. Once I graduated the following year (2002), I spent three weeks of June/July on a Eurail pass touring through Milan, Barcelona, Alicante, Nice, Juan-les-Pins, Antibes, Cannes, the most special were Lugano and Interlaken both of which were part of my first visit to the Swiss half of my heritage and where I went skydiving for the first time. Over Thanksgiving of 2003 I spent 7-days in Rio de Janeiro including an excursion to Ilha Grande and thus starting the tradition of travel during that holiday which affords office folk a few extra vacation days. In 2004 I spent 7-days in Buenos Aires where there is amazing shopping, steak and discovered my favorite type of wine to date, Malbec. The following year I went back to Rio (2005), this time spending 4 days in the resort area of Buzios (10 days total). Over July 4th weekend I drove up to Montreal and spent 4 days there. In November of 2006, I spent 10 days driving through Madrid and Andalucia (including Sevilla, Marbella, Malaga, Granada, Jerez (home of Spanish Port wine), and Cadiz). This year I spent 10 days in Buenos Aires and Mendoza (home of Malbec wine), then one month in the South Pacific including Fiji, New Zealand (Auckland, Taupo, Tauranga and Rotorua) and Australia (Sydney, Melbourne and Hunter Valley wine region). Upon my return stateside I took my first trip down to New Orleans over a long weekend. In between these trips I traveled to and from Toronto, San Francisco and Miami to visit extended family.

Independently wealthy

I certainly am not but I damn sure wish I were (and who doesn't?). Right now I'm pondering how I can turn things I love to do into money without taking the fun out of it. Is that too much to ask? I mean really. Gawd. I love to plan trips, excursions and parties but only for people of my choosing. I'm good at it because I already know what they like because it's really what I like which is why we hang out to begin with. Long story short I plan stuff that I already want to do. I just rope other people in and make it happen. How do I do it people? HOW? Even the bus driver in New Zealand who knew me for 2.5 seconds told me to be a tour guide. Maybe I need to go learn Spanish like Milee says and just go do that.

HAPA

Do ya'll know that I'm a HAPA?

Well I am.

Here's a definition I've borrowed from: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=405775530

'hapa (pronounced "hoppa")
adj. 1. Slang. of mixed ethnic heritage with partial roots in Asian and/or Pacific Islander ancestry.
n. 2. Slang. a person of such ancestry. [der./Hawaiian: hapa haole. (half white)]'

Ah ha! You say. Of course.

I learned this word a few years back from my fellow hapa (aka halfie) friend Elia. She's been my hapa mentor since she was my German School teacher (every Saturday for 5 years!) back when I was in single digits. Now that I think about it, we had a very odd group in that teeny class since there were 3 of us halfies in there (incl Elia) out of 5. We were actually in the majority. Huhh. In any case, I thought this a good opportunity to share some knowledge about being a halfie in light of an email I received this morning about an upcoming event (http://www.lovingconference.com/index.php?page=home).

I'm not very interested in politics but I have always been interested in race as it is something that influenced my growth and molded me into who I am (obv in combination with other things). If I think about how much I reference being asian or having asian friends in every day life I realize that I underestimate how much it's affected me. I never really had an encounter with "race" as an issue until middle school. I think it was 6th or 7th grade when I first had someone call me a "chink" in the context of "chinky thief." I must have taken something from someone to garner this reputation but I don't remember the specifics honestly. At the moment I probably don't think I even know what that meant except that it sounded like a derivative of "Chinese." Not until it became something that was repeated did I recognize the derogatory tone. Call me dense but I was young and still an immigrant unfamiliar with American slang and culture (which is why I haven't seen the majority of the "growing up" movies such as Spaceballs and other 80s classics to this day). I digress. Any way, I think I got angry about the commentary from my classmates because it kept escalating and it became part of the vocab of other schoolmates. I tried and tried to fit in. 'True' to my ethnic background I brought in fireworks one day and I set them off with 'friends' who lived near school. One dumbass burned his hand badly and of course, I ended up getting suspended for it. The details are all a little muddled in my mind so bear with me. Mom wasn't pleased, I got more angry and she shopped around for a private school. Cue my 5 years at Birch Wathen Lenox. In hindsight I believe I was angry for a few reasons; I wasn't fitting in, I didn't quite understand why I was getting picked on or why I was different I mean, my 'difference' isn't as obvious as others. I usually 'pass' for a Filipino or Hawaiian. But it was in middle school that I learned all about 'slanted eyes,' mimicking Chinese accents, model minority and being 'yellow.' Of course I mention at least one of these things every day in casual conversation as harmless jokes but this must be where it comes from (in addition to the fact that I'm just damn funny. haha) I was raised through age 15 with just the Chinese side of my family where I was always the tallest one not to mention the only one what wasn't 100%. This is where you say, 'boo hoo Barb life was so tough here's your mini violin.' Nono. You're missing the point. At this point life wasn't tough. I'm saying that as a Hapa, halfie or anyone of mixed dissent it's another layer of adolescent mental wrestling and since it's part of who I am I'm trying to illuminate this in exchange for a bit of catharsis. To quote Jenny on the L Word (who I despise btw) I'm just sharing MY experience.

Which group do I fit into? White, Asian or neither? Maybe I should make my own!!!!!!

And I have. I realize that it doesn't matter to me any more. I'm never going to 'fit' in either and that's just fine. It's made me resistant to categorization in a few major aspects of life. I'd like to think that I look at people as a whole. And I hope people think of me in the same way. Luckily I've managed to surround myself with like-minded individuals. It's one of the wonders of living in the salad bowl of NY. (I prefer this term to 'melting pot' which connotes a combining of cultures while sacrificing the individual flavor to make something new. In a salad, each ingredient remains intact while still forming something new and different.) You can find people of all flavors.

The caveat is that I'm more aware of race perhaps than my friends and possibly a bit more sensitive when it comes to conversations about race and ethnicity but that's just fiiiiiiiiiine. I can handle it! The population gets more mixed up with each passing day and I love it. I know so many Hapa children that are now growing up in an environment that's had much more exposure to Halfies than when I was coming up. One day it will no longer be a 'difference.' It's AWESOME and I'm very excited.

Hapa-ly yours,

B

pollen

oh how i hate thee
you make my eyes itch
turn me into a cranky bitch
and now i can barely see

it's the only damn thing
that pisses me off about spring
oh summer, hurry the hell up and get here already

haha

funny words

i've found a few words/sayings in the last 24hrs very humorous. you might be thinking:

oh that barb, she needs to find a job
oh that barb, she's losing her mind
oh that barb, i always thought she was a bit loopy

you might be right on all counts but i'd still find these funny any way because i am, how you say, possibly maybe a bit off. the word 'dingy' is just so damn fun to say. repeat it to yourself 10 times and see if you don't giggle. i dare you. the second is a cantonese phrase. the phonetic translation would be "haam sup" which means literally "salty wet." the translation would be something along the lines of 'dirty' in the sexually inappropriate, leering old man, peeping Tom, trench coat flasher, pedophile kinda way. eck but again, a super funny phrase and i have no clue as to it's origins. another cantonese word that has always made me laugh is "baey." the best way i can think to explain it is to say that it's more of a sensation, kind of like getting the chills. when something makes you kinda squirm, slightly uncomfortable, where you'd say "ew" for a very long time. think back to the first time a sex scene came across the screen for a bit too long as you were watching tv with your parents. that sense of unsettled discomfort. that's what "baey" is. at least to me. as a footnote, my chinese is not exactly stellar so don't use these the next time you're in Chinatown and blame me when you don't get the desired effect. however, do make sure to videotape the scene so i can get a good laugh. for both, there's just no English equivalent but they're very potent in the expressions they encapsulate. i imagine it's like the French word "merde" but you don't just say it. there's a whole facial exercise attached to it and it comes out as MERRRRDE! get my drift?

i look forward to adding to this list. reader beware.

happy friday!

'Beautiful veins'

So I went to donate platelets yesterday morning (if you're wondering why, pls backtrack to my first post) and while I still am not sure what my platelets will do for young Liam (I seriously love that name!) it was quite an experience. It started out as a quiet morning in MSKCC filling out forms. There was a older lady and older man (sitting separately) in the waiting room with me. The nurses were super nice and after I filled out the paperwork I pulled out le iPod and grabbed a Domino magazine to kill time. They called me in and commenced with the onslaught of questions they ask before donating blood ie., have I paid or been paid for for sex? Of course I said yes (kidding). There was a supervising doctor also in the room as the woman who I was speaking to was in training. The door was left open a crack and we could audibly hear the older lady in the next room talking to the doctor about her IBS problem and recent colonoscopy. Apparently the older lady was hard of hearing and had a tendency to really project her voice whenever she spoke. The trainee and I exchanged a giggle about the personal info being openly broadcasted. Once we were through I went into the donor room and of course, of course, of course they placed me right next to the older lady (heretofore known as 'ol'). The room is an open space with a 10 or so recliner-esque chairs hooked up to machines staffed by a handful of nurses who circulate and monitor the donors. For the second time that morning, I was complimented on the size of my veins (you know what they say about people with big veins...) and promptly poked with the needle. The ol was unfortunately not so lucky. She had next to no visible veins and on top of that was anxiety prone so as the nurses searched both her arms I could feel the anxiety rise in our corner of the room. Turns out she was having blood drawn for a knee replacement surgery she was having next week and kept asking the nurses in a serious NY accent, 'what's gonna happen with THE SURGERY,' 'will i still be able to have THE SURGERY?,' 'will you call my doctor and tell him about this for THE SURGERY?' There were approximately 4 nurses that hovered around her, each asking the other to double check while fielding the ol's questions. One determined nurse found a vein and while the ol squirmed a bit at every touch they finally poked her and blood started flowing. But not fast enough. 'You'll be here for awhile ma'am,' they said. 'Oh gawd, I always have this problem when they take the blood from me. They can neva finda vein. Why is that? Is this somethin' I'm bawn with?' The assault of shouted questions visibly took their toll on the batallion of nurses. Then the blood stopped flowing into the bag. "What happened? Am I going to have to be poked again? Why is this so difficult? I'm cold, maybe it's because I just spent 5 months in Flaaarida? Do you think it's because I spent 5 months in Flaaarida?' The nurses removed the needle and frantically searched for another vein. They tried other machines. Nothing worked. Meanwhile, my anxiety level was rising as all this was going on around me, my machine started beeping as I had forgotten to squeeze every so often. My nurse came over and said, 'but you were doing so well.' I focused on my machine and got to squeezing. 'You mean after all this I can't get my own blood? Is the blood in the bank safe? I want my own blood. Will I be able to have THE SURGERY?' Let me say that this ol tried to be as nice as possible, just bc she was speaking loudly doesn't mean she was yelling or angry. It was the anxiety mixed with the shouting that made it all dramatic. In the end she apologized to the nurses for being a 'bad patient' and admitted to being a 'coward.' The nurses asked if she had kids or came with anyone. She said no and no. After the ol left my main nurse came over to me and announced that she now officially had a headache after all the commotion. I said that the ol was quite a trip. Then the nurse and I chatted about her daughters and her 'unmotivated' boyfriend of 2 months for a bit before she told me to look for jobs on the MSKCC website so that one day we could have lunch. I thanked her for her help and was thankful that I was born with 'beautiful veins' and went on my merry way.

Workout

I'm talkin' about the show here though I did manage to get my arse to the gym today. Anyway, I just watched the season finale of this strangely magnetic show (at least for me) and the one thing that they kept harping on and, honestly, I hope is apparent to the people I care about in my life, is that you have to let people know how much you care. Right away. All day. Every day. Okay maybe not every day but it's all in the sentiment. I recognize this is neither rocket science nor a new discovery but helllllll it doesn't hurt to have a reminder even if it's from a cheesy show. To people out there who are afraid to wear their heart on their sleeve (romantic or otherwise), to be vulnerable and to be honest with themselves consider this a plea. I'm not the omnicient narrator here, this applies to me in some relationships as well and it's a work in progress. There's so much out there. See it. Love it. Do it now.

Sunsets and the sun in general

I'm looking outside my window right now (8:24PM EST) and see a palette of colors ranging from a dark yellow to a deep orange. I've always been intrigued by the sky, sunrises, sunsets and more recently clouds (thanks to Milee). There's something very ethereal and calming about just looking at them. The colors are unreal and it reminds me that the days are getting longer. I feel like a stoner/ space cadet sometimes when I happen across a pretty sky and point it out to friends, "heyyyyyyyyy maaaaaaaan, look at those clouds. It's liiiikkke, they're floating or something." But I still do it regardless. ;) These are the things to stop and appreciate people! We see so much ugliness ya gotta see the beauty too to balance yourself out.

Over and out.

8:55PM - I'm reading Real Simple and just came across this: "Remember that the most beautiful things in the world are the most useless; peacocks and lilies for instance." - John Ruskin

Bollocks! (I'm watching a British show right now, forgive the lingo.) But seriously, how are they 'useless'? Beauty serves a distinct purpose as an elixir, a distraction, an oasis of sorts. But perhaps he's so darn happy he doesn't need anything else????? Who knows and who am I to judge. Just sayin'.

The Five Boro

It's the second year I've done the Five Boro Bike Tour and I say it went faster this year. Mike thinks it's bc we listened to musica and thus created a distraction from the mindless pedaling. Mr. Canadia could be right. We finished at 12:30PM. Pretty much on par with last year and once again Jen bailed on us before reaching the 5th boro. We joked that next year we'll rent a tandem for 3 people, if that even exists, and then she'll actually make it to Staten Island. Though perhaps she made the right choice since we were stuck on the island of Staten longer than we liked since the ferries weren't running properly. But per the usual, we made the best of it and hung out at the Cargo Cafe until the line of bikers and bikes waiting for the ferry dissipated a bit. In the meantime, The Law and company joined us at the cafe and expanded the party. We finally made it back to the main island 7ish and then rendezvoused with Cholita and Lan at The Barking Dog after some drunken pedaling up the West Side Highway and then across town. Super safe, I know. Sometimes I think about how lucky I am to not be dead or severely injured from my frequent stupidity.

In any case, I've decided to start this blog because rather than bombard my friends inboxes with my musings I'll let them read this when they have the time and because many people have told me I should. I'm easily convinced, what can I say? And what better time to do it than right now, between jobs? Since I started journaling more frequently during my travels I find that I often want to write down my thoughts and share them but am never quite sure where and who'd be interested. I've actually thought about scanning in my journals but instead have chosen to copy excerpts to the numerous social networking sites I belong to, most often Facebook.

I don't know what I hope to accomplish by sharing my thoughts but I do find it cathartic. It makes life easier for me if people know what I think and how I operate. It saves me some explaining and sometimes I think I express myself better in writing than I do otherwise. I don't like repeating myself much so this kind of a forum works even better.

So what have I done today you ask? Not much, except start this blog and make an appointment to donate platelets (http://princeliamthebrave.blogspot.com/index.html) for tomorrow morning. I've never even met him but I do know his mother in her professional capacity. She's always been awesome to me and nothing tortures me more than hearing about not-so-well kids. It seems so unfair, he's not even 3 yrs old. I recognize that there are sick people everywhere but young Liam's story struck a chord with me and I felt like there's something I can actually do so there you go.

Spring is here and Summer is around the corner. How exciting. I made a list awhile back about all the things I want to do this summer including Summerstage, P.S.1, WTB, outdoor movie nights (at the Piers or Bryant Park), Hyde Park Drive-In, and wine tasting just to mention a few and I can't wait to get started. We had our first rooftop picnic this weekend and it was just a preview of the fun times that await as the weather gets warmer. I think the only reason I can deal with winter, besides indulging my coat fetish, is that it makes me appreciate the sunnier months much more. Hopefully, the temps keep climbing and the skies only get more beautiful.