Mortality

Sometimes I wonder why some deserve to live longer than others? Sometimes I wonder if it means that those who live longer are given the time because they have something further to contribute to humanity? Sometimes I wonder if some people would think of what lies after death, whatever that may be, as being better than life? These are not questions I expect answers to, likely because there aren't any, but I also can't help but ask when indirectly confronted with deaths that are so sudden, seemingly unjustified, and cruel (to those left behind). Perhaps asking questions doesn't help? Perhaps this is one of those instances where you just have to accept things as they are and look towards the happier things in life? Value what you have and all that jazz. After all, there's an endless array of the 'Sometimes,' 'Perhaps,' and 'maybes,' 'ifs,' 'ands,' or 'buts' one can pose. 'Unfair,' is another word that comes to mind. But because these are seemingly unanswerable questions, the only way for me to think about death is as a part of life and equally as unpredictable. As a result, we can only go day by day, enjoying all that we can in the time we are given so that perhaps when it is our time those we leave behind can say, 'hey, at least she lived a full life and never held back.'

Now that I'm in better humor compared to this morning when I wrote the above, I'd like to say, "Live hard, play hard, try not to die."

love is an action

so yesterday a friend introduced me to this quote:

“Love is not a feeling. Love is an action, an activity. . .Genuine love implies commitment and the exercise of wisdom. . . . love as the will to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth.....true love is an act of will that often transcends ephemeral feelings of love or cathexis, it is correct to say, 'Love is as love does'.” - M. Scott Peck

if you read my previous post about action it should be obvious why this quote resonates with me. love is what we all aspire to isn't it? love of your work, love of others, which translates ultimately into a love of life and having it infused into all areas of your existence.

here's a fantastical piece from Shambhala Sun along the same lines.

yes, i'm having an existential morning. sue me! :P

No reservations

it's the middle of the day here in Park Slope and i'm watching "No Reservations" with Anthony Bourdain. what's usually a funny show about a tall NY chef traveling and eating in foreign countries and other states in the U.S., is not so funny because in this episode, he's in Beirut. while he's there, he only gets to enjoy one local meal before bombing breaks out. the rest of the episode is about them hiding out in a hotel in a 'safe' part of town and about evacuating out of the city. there are clips of them hanging out by the hotel's pool watching clouds of dropped bombs not so far away. what must that be like? i mean, Bourdain said the most shameful thing they could have had on tape was lounge by the pool and watch. there were kids frolicking in the pool no less. but at the same time there was nothing they could do. their security guy's house was leveled and all they could do was wait at the hotel for the state department to evacuate them. finally they were evacuated by the Marines but in the meantime leaving loads of people behind who weren't as lucky. geez. i mean, thinking about my life, living in park slope where the most drama happens when a parent posts about a lost 'boys hat' on the parents board that caused a huge hoopla over gender politics, i have to think about how lucky i am. how lucky that living in a war zone is NOT my existence and how lucky i am to be able to do the things i do. to have the people i have. to laugh as much as i do. to be as frivolous as i can be.

i have no idea how long ago this episode was taped but i think that's irrelevant. it's about knowing how lucky you are because you can tell how lucky the usually snarky Bourdain, feels and how much he increasingly appreciates life even during the course of this one episode. it was something as trivial as having mac and cheese on the navy boat that triggered a feeling of comfort bc it was a sign that he was safer than he was only days before, it reminded him of home, and he fact that he was on his way back to life as he knows it. mac and cheese, this is a serious NY chef and it was mac and cheese that made him appreciate life. awesome. the experience reminded him that there was no guarantee of tomorrow. because we only have the moment, what's in front of us right now. because our main job in life is really to enjoy the time we have. right. now. thank your lucky stars that, if you're reading this, you likely live a privileged existence. appreciate it. do what you can for the greater good and those near and dear to you and enjoy.

Lucky

I'm sad. Sad bc there are so many people who aren't as lucky as I am. I just watched a Spanish movie called 'Princesa,' which is about these two young prostitutes in Madrid. One did it out of desperation to support her son, the other had such a sad life that being a whore almost seemed like an improvement. We don't know why her life was bad but we just know it was. I can't imagine the depths of sadness and desperation one must feel in that situation. I just can't. What I can't imagine even more is why some people are given that path in life and why I'm so lucky to have all that I have. I'm not going to ignore the fact that I've created a lot of my own happiness but why can't others do the same? Is it bc they're so far down that they can't pick themselves up? I don't get it. It seems that when people are down they do one of three things, they pull themselves together and get back on their feet or they choose to keep along on the same path or worse yet they fall victim to the path of the downward spiral.

Some people need help getting up.

I want to be that person for all the people I care about in my life...

Because while life can be a bitch it can also be wonderous and I want it to be wonderous as much as possible for everyone involved. I'm not gonna deny that it's a bit selfish of me bc if everyone around me is happy then what else is left for me but happiness? :)

waking up

today i woke up happy to be alive. why? no idea. i just did and noted the feeling. did something happen last night to trigger it? well if you mean hanging out with awesome people and having a good time as i've always done, then yes. it's nice to wake up and feel good about your life. no, i'm not saving lives or changing the world but i think everyone benefits in one way or another when people are happy. so the lesson of the day is be happy, be glad to be alive.

also, karma is a biatch. believe it.