Intensity

Just watched the season finale of Californication and the most recent episode of Weeds. I think I like the former because one of the main protagonists is a lovesick writer a very well spoken one at that who really knows how to get across what he thinks and feels. But he's no wuss. He can throw down with anyone yet joke around freely with his friends. I think I admire him in a way.
Not that I want to be lovesick or throw down but I really appreciate the intensity of his emotion and his willingness to put it out there. Yes he's older, likely wiser and perhaps with less pride to lose but one would think it could possibly be harder to admit fault and give in to starting over even if the other person is willing. I think I just appreciate people who wear their heart on their sleeve in any realm, not just romantic. Life's too short right? Isn't that what "they" always say? I still have yet to figure out who "they" really is but I feel that if we quote "them" all the time "they" must be speaking from a place of authority. haha. It's why I like this particular show. I appreciate the intensity because that's how I am when I feel strongly about things. Actually, I think I'm generally fairly intense but luckily I know how to temper it. I don't think there's anything wrong with knowing what you like and don't like because honestly, it's hard enough being sure of that in itself so why not just express it. I like to think that most of the people I hold close to me in life either appreciate intensity or are intense themselves. It's a highly underrated quality because most associate it with craziness or 'too much too soon,' or 'they're desperate.' Honestly, I agree, there are some crazies out there who play crazy off as intensity but I think those of us who are aware can tell the genuine article from those who should seek professional assistance. I'm so mean. In any case, if people have problems with my intensity they're not as involved in my life or perhaps not at all but that's by their choice so I don't feel bad about it. It's one of my defining qualities...

The Unattainable

what makes it so appealing? the challenge? the thought of the challenge? who knows? i'm watching Californication right now which is all about a guy who goes after unavailable women after he's let the 'love of his life' leave him and get engaged to someone else. i think it may be one of my biggest fears in life: letting someone/something go that was just oh-so-right. which is why i think i don't voluntarily let people out of my life. why i cling on to everyone i even remotely get along with in any way and i'm not just talking about romantic attachments here. honestly. the people i like, i like. and why not make the best effort to find out whether we can be great friends or not? i mean, yes, there are many ppl in this world but only a small percentage of which we'll actually click with so for me i think i'd rather just throw myself in and find out for sure. no regrets right? makes sense why i've at least made out with most of my friends. you figure if you click with them in one way why not try the other? slutty as that may sound, and i really resent that word in a serious way, it's true. now, why do i resent that word? bc it's use has become gender biased. when a man, is a slut he's a mack. when a woman's a slut, she's a ho? what? who? why? puuuulease. as long as you enjoy yourself who the hell cares and the people around you shouldn't either if they're worth their salt. peace!