an apology

so i had one of those mornings when you're dragging ass and feel the weight of the world on your shoulders. do you ever have those days? it's rare, i mean 90% of the time i'm very much positive and half full rather than half empty but today i felt almost empty. well, this morning. throughout the day i kinda gathered myself, talked to some peeps and now i'm pretty much a-ok and just in need of some sleep.

i think it gets harder and harder to recover from great days/weekends. i can't help but think, 'why can't every day be this great?' i had an awesome, jam packed with fun weekend. i want everyday to be like that but i guess if it were we wouldn't appreciate it now would we?

sometimes i think i give to much (by choice). i want to do everything and be there for everyone but it is hard, it's taxing both emotionally and physically and i have to learn to think of myself first sometimes and say no. but i don't want to say no, i've never really had to but i think i've managed to overextend and not quite sure how to go about fixing it. i love to take care of other people but i rarely let anyone take care of me. i need to let go and let other ppl take charge sometimes and realize that it's okay. have patience when things aren't done at the speed and quality i desire. let my friends be my friends and visa versa and not have me be their mother. it's alot of responsibility i've CHOSEN to take on, and i have to recognize that i can't be perfect in any arena bc it's impossible. perfection is unreachable but we all try for it don't we? i have flaws, many of them. i must let some of the pride go and accept that i can't be everything to everyone or be everywhere at once and that no one is going to judge me for it. i've tested it out here and there and it's fine. people understand, i'm not going to lose anyone bc i didn't go to a damn open bar, no one worthwhile at least. other people do it all the time but i am my worse critic. i have insecurities. i am human. i will be fine. accept that people will still love me if i have a few misses here and there. bc in the end we all just want to be accepted right? accepted and loved. possibly the two most important concepts in my life right now. i try not to judge people and i have to believe that others wont judge me for petty ridiculousness. i blame my complexes on many things. being a minority of a minority of a minority was hard growing up and i've never really expressed it until recently. i guess i've come a long way from the hermit i once was. actually i went in the complete opposite direction and perhaps i haven't found the medium. yes. mayhaps. balance. i've never had great physical balance but hope to find it conceptually. soon enough. hopefully i'll also regain some of the patience i've lost along the way. one of my favorite quotes found during my travels is, "never mess up an apology with an excuse" so in this apology to myself, even though i know where i can place the blame i wont use it as an excuse to keep on in this manner. bc i owe myself better. more. thank you words, my hands and blogland for helping me sort out my thoughts once again. ciao!

oh and don't forget to check out our fab new music video! it's much more lighthearted than this post!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2LJxnihyXxk