Communication

Is probably one of the most important things in life. The people closest to me are the ones I communicate best with and who make the effort to return the favor. Communication includes constructive criticism and I think it's a very healthy thing to hear occasionally. The roomie and I had a discussion the other day about how I basically have no patience anymore. She thinks, and I concur, that it's partly because I often take on the responsibility of planning events voluntarily and then when I get additional questions related to the event I sometimes get annoyed and snappy. I think I've adopted the mentality where anything that takes up additional time (that I don't want to give) is a waste. I think the other part of this is from growing up in NY. The pace is so fast and I love it but after taking a month off to travel where I basically lost all concept of time and then to come back...it takes some adjusting and getting used to. My point is, is that I need the roomie to point it out to me. Now I'm aware of it I'll adjust my temper accordingly. Done and done. Isn't that much easier? I told her that I appreciated her taking the time to talk to me because I don't want to be snappy and I don't want her to live with someone like that. It's a good situation all around and I would dare say that this is why we're so close. We're unafraid to analyze and constructively criticize so it works. I think this mentality has infiltrated other relationships in my life as well so I do get frustrated when others don't communicate as efficiently but everyone's different so what can I do. I hope eventually to get to that level with most people I encounter because I find it the way to be. Just know that I'd rather chat then not and would generally rather be aware of shortcomings so that I can work on them. Capiche? Fabulous! I'm off to enjoy the sunshine. Go forth!

hey yo

so it's officially the first weekend of summer. finally! i wait for this every year and i'm never disappointed. the days of wearing flip flops, minimal clothing, and running around outdoors make me very happy. sometimes i wonder why i don't live in a warmer climate but then i remember what a great city this is. well worth suffering through winter. plus it allows me to indulge my coat fetish. let summer begin!!!!!!!!!

Afterglow

Bebel was unbelieveable and her opener, Federico Aubele wasn't too shabby either. She was soulful and energetic even with a broken ankle that's on the mend. I've got MAJOR respect for people who so obviously love what they do so very much. It makes their energy contagious and I think that (and a cup of hazelnut coffee pre-show) was what kept me wide-eyed til the wee hours. Even though I was desperate to fall asleep since I had to get up at 7am I was excited because I was thinking about some things that I want to do and say in the near future. Even though some of it was impractical, it was still fun to think about. Any way, back to Bebel. I highly recommend her to anyone who reads this that is unfamiliar. She just channels visions of beaches and relaxation, how could that possibly be anything but wonderful? And if you want to meet Brazilians in New York I suggest you go to her show tonight. I didn't feel like I was in NY at all between the Spanish fans there for Federico and the Brazilian contingent. I even ran into my tatoo artist there (Brazilian) who let use cut the line with him. Gramercy Theatre is a nice venue that bears some resemblance to Bowery Ballroom in size. It was a good evening and well worth the restless night.

Bebel Gilberto

Today is Bebel day! Going to see her in concert this eve at Gramercy Theatre. Why do I like her? Because I think of all the things on my "simple pleasures" list whenever I hear her music ie., beach, summer, driving, etc. It's all positive music, or perhaps it's because she generally sings in Portuguese and I have no idea what she's saying but it sounds upbeat and positive. Heh. I just downloaded her latest from iTunes called Momento, I highly recommend it and happily disposed of a bunch of songs on my iPod to make room for it. This whole Nano thing makes me a cutthroat biatch! I just willingly dispose of music to load whatever catches my fancy. I'm so fickle. Fickle I tell you.

I'm also thinking about getting the new Bjork too since I liked some of her older stuff (namely Homogenic and Post) but the more recent albums have been a bit weird just like I couldn't get into Dancer in the Dark. We'll see about that one.

Quote of the Day

From one of my fave shows:

'The more it might hurt.
The more I might die doing it.
The more worth doing it must be.'

- Marlee Matlin as Jody Lerner on the L Word

ready?

aren't you happy i gave you the weekend off? had a football double-header yesterday and honestly, at the risk of sounding dumb, i didn't even know we won the second game until much later. yes. yes. yes. believe it. the last time i paid attention we were down so i kept that mentality through the rest of the game. yes i was actually playing. i just didn't keep track. i actually had two really good games but i like to go out and play and not think about scores because then i just get wrapped up in numbers. again i realize i sound retarded but whatever, we won.

the best part of football is actually how it brought me to yet another amazing group of people. i consider myself ridiculously lucky as far as friends go. unbelieveably so. i've got great friends already and i just keep adding on. i call this group on my cell phone 'the easys' and not for any reason other than that they will do anything at any moment. always game. always ready to go. so just because of that we spend a lot of time together. we travel as a pack these days and it's great fun every time. of course, me being me, i'm always mixing people together which i find (when it works) to not only make the "how do you know each other?" question exponentially harder to answer but more importantly it forms a group of like-minded people who truly enjoy each other's company with minimal drama. am i making sense? probably not. but the next time you see a group of people out and about having a good time on a roof, in a bar, or on the football field it's likely us and please do say hi and join in.

oh and it's not a painless sport. i just sneezed and it hurt. we ain't no sissies!

Storm King

Milee and I went to Storm King Art Center (http://www.stormking.org/) yesterday. It didn't take too long to get there, prob less than 1 hr. Way worth it. I've never been to such a huge outdoor space filled with sculptures large and small. At times I'd look around and be like, "ooh there's another one." It's about 300 acres and it's unbelieveably relaxing either to just stroll around or you can hop on one of the tours. The tram tour is pretty cool. We left in a state of lethargy sometime in the late afternoon. Plus you can bring a picnic and camp out a bit to break up the strolling. I'm not a huge museum goer or art lover but there's something to be said about giving your brain a shake by exposing it to something unfamiliar. Funny enough, the last time I was at a museum was also with Milee except it was the Museo Picasso Malaga where I felt the same sense of calm. I recognize that I can appreciate art and interpret it as I like but that's the extent of my interest and that's just dandy.

How lucky am I?

So I was writing this cover letter last night that asked me to recount every place I've been including dates, duration and highlights. As an hour ticked away I realized just how m*therflippin' lucky I am to have been able to go to all these awesome places.

I was born in Hong Kong and came back and forth from New York for at least 10 years of my youth. In high school (1997) I spent 10 days touring the Italian trifecta (Rome, Florence and Venice). During my senior year (1998) I traveled to London, Bath and Edinburgh. Once at college I studied abroad in London (January- May of 2001) for 5 months but not before I spent New Years in Hong Kong over 10 days. While abroad I had the opportunity to explore Prague (6 days), Paris (twice-4 days each time), a day trip to Versailles, two weeks in Greece and Italy for Spring Break (including Athens, Mykonos, Poros, Hydra, Rome, Florence, and Venice), Brussels, Amsterdam (4 days), Barcelona (6-days), Ibiza (3-days). I believe that's the extent of my international travels through college. Once I graduated the following year (2002), I spent three weeks of June/July on a Eurail pass touring through Milan, Barcelona, Alicante, Nice, Juan-les-Pins, Antibes, Cannes, the most special were Lugano and Interlaken both of which were part of my first visit to the Swiss half of my heritage and where I went skydiving for the first time. Over Thanksgiving of 2003 I spent 7-days in Rio de Janeiro including an excursion to Ilha Grande and thus starting the tradition of travel during that holiday which affords office folk a few extra vacation days. In 2004 I spent 7-days in Buenos Aires where there is amazing shopping, steak and discovered my favorite type of wine to date, Malbec. The following year I went back to Rio (2005), this time spending 4 days in the resort area of Buzios (10 days total). Over July 4th weekend I drove up to Montreal and spent 4 days there. In November of 2006, I spent 10 days driving through Madrid and Andalucia (including Sevilla, Marbella, Malaga, Granada, Jerez (home of Spanish Port wine), and Cadiz). This year I spent 10 days in Buenos Aires and Mendoza (home of Malbec wine), then one month in the South Pacific including Fiji, New Zealand (Auckland, Taupo, Tauranga and Rotorua) and Australia (Sydney, Melbourne and Hunter Valley wine region). Upon my return stateside I took my first trip down to New Orleans over a long weekend. In between these trips I traveled to and from Toronto, San Francisco and Miami to visit extended family.

Independently wealthy

I certainly am not but I damn sure wish I were (and who doesn't?). Right now I'm pondering how I can turn things I love to do into money without taking the fun out of it. Is that too much to ask? I mean really. Gawd. I love to plan trips, excursions and parties but only for people of my choosing. I'm good at it because I already know what they like because it's really what I like which is why we hang out to begin with. Long story short I plan stuff that I already want to do. I just rope other people in and make it happen. How do I do it people? HOW? Even the bus driver in New Zealand who knew me for 2.5 seconds told me to be a tour guide. Maybe I need to go learn Spanish like Milee says and just go do that.

HAPA

Do ya'll know that I'm a HAPA?

Well I am.

Here's a definition I've borrowed from: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=405775530

'hapa (pronounced "hoppa")
adj. 1. Slang. of mixed ethnic heritage with partial roots in Asian and/or Pacific Islander ancestry.
n. 2. Slang. a person of such ancestry. [der./Hawaiian: hapa haole. (half white)]'

Ah ha! You say. Of course.

I learned this word a few years back from my fellow hapa (aka halfie) friend Elia. She's been my hapa mentor since she was my German School teacher (every Saturday for 5 years!) back when I was in single digits. Now that I think about it, we had a very odd group in that teeny class since there were 3 of us halfies in there (incl Elia) out of 5. We were actually in the majority. Huhh. In any case, I thought this a good opportunity to share some knowledge about being a halfie in light of an email I received this morning about an upcoming event (http://www.lovingconference.com/index.php?page=home).

I'm not very interested in politics but I have always been interested in race as it is something that influenced my growth and molded me into who I am (obv in combination with other things). If I think about how much I reference being asian or having asian friends in every day life I realize that I underestimate how much it's affected me. I never really had an encounter with "race" as an issue until middle school. I think it was 6th or 7th grade when I first had someone call me a "chink" in the context of "chinky thief." I must have taken something from someone to garner this reputation but I don't remember the specifics honestly. At the moment I probably don't think I even know what that meant except that it sounded like a derivative of "Chinese." Not until it became something that was repeated did I recognize the derogatory tone. Call me dense but I was young and still an immigrant unfamiliar with American slang and culture (which is why I haven't seen the majority of the "growing up" movies such as Spaceballs and other 80s classics to this day). I digress. Any way, I think I got angry about the commentary from my classmates because it kept escalating and it became part of the vocab of other schoolmates. I tried and tried to fit in. 'True' to my ethnic background I brought in fireworks one day and I set them off with 'friends' who lived near school. One dumbass burned his hand badly and of course, I ended up getting suspended for it. The details are all a little muddled in my mind so bear with me. Mom wasn't pleased, I got more angry and she shopped around for a private school. Cue my 5 years at Birch Wathen Lenox. In hindsight I believe I was angry for a few reasons; I wasn't fitting in, I didn't quite understand why I was getting picked on or why I was different I mean, my 'difference' isn't as obvious as others. I usually 'pass' for a Filipino or Hawaiian. But it was in middle school that I learned all about 'slanted eyes,' mimicking Chinese accents, model minority and being 'yellow.' Of course I mention at least one of these things every day in casual conversation as harmless jokes but this must be where it comes from (in addition to the fact that I'm just damn funny. haha) I was raised through age 15 with just the Chinese side of my family where I was always the tallest one not to mention the only one what wasn't 100%. This is where you say, 'boo hoo Barb life was so tough here's your mini violin.' Nono. You're missing the point. At this point life wasn't tough. I'm saying that as a Hapa, halfie or anyone of mixed dissent it's another layer of adolescent mental wrestling and since it's part of who I am I'm trying to illuminate this in exchange for a bit of catharsis. To quote Jenny on the L Word (who I despise btw) I'm just sharing MY experience.

Which group do I fit into? White, Asian or neither? Maybe I should make my own!!!!!!

And I have. I realize that it doesn't matter to me any more. I'm never going to 'fit' in either and that's just fine. It's made me resistant to categorization in a few major aspects of life. I'd like to think that I look at people as a whole. And I hope people think of me in the same way. Luckily I've managed to surround myself with like-minded individuals. It's one of the wonders of living in the salad bowl of NY. (I prefer this term to 'melting pot' which connotes a combining of cultures while sacrificing the individual flavor to make something new. In a salad, each ingredient remains intact while still forming something new and different.) You can find people of all flavors.

The caveat is that I'm more aware of race perhaps than my friends and possibly a bit more sensitive when it comes to conversations about race and ethnicity but that's just fiiiiiiiiiine. I can handle it! The population gets more mixed up with each passing day and I love it. I know so many Hapa children that are now growing up in an environment that's had much more exposure to Halfies than when I was coming up. One day it will no longer be a 'difference.' It's AWESOME and I'm very excited.

Hapa-ly yours,

B

pollen

oh how i hate thee
you make my eyes itch
turn me into a cranky bitch
and now i can barely see

it's the only damn thing
that pisses me off about spring
oh summer, hurry the hell up and get here already

haha

funny words

i've found a few words/sayings in the last 24hrs very humorous. you might be thinking:

oh that barb, she needs to find a job
oh that barb, she's losing her mind
oh that barb, i always thought she was a bit loopy

you might be right on all counts but i'd still find these funny any way because i am, how you say, possibly maybe a bit off. the word 'dingy' is just so damn fun to say. repeat it to yourself 10 times and see if you don't giggle. i dare you. the second is a cantonese phrase. the phonetic translation would be "haam sup" which means literally "salty wet." the translation would be something along the lines of 'dirty' in the sexually inappropriate, leering old man, peeping Tom, trench coat flasher, pedophile kinda way. eck but again, a super funny phrase and i have no clue as to it's origins. another cantonese word that has always made me laugh is "baey." the best way i can think to explain it is to say that it's more of a sensation, kind of like getting the chills. when something makes you kinda squirm, slightly uncomfortable, where you'd say "ew" for a very long time. think back to the first time a sex scene came across the screen for a bit too long as you were watching tv with your parents. that sense of unsettled discomfort. that's what "baey" is. at least to me. as a footnote, my chinese is not exactly stellar so don't use these the next time you're in Chinatown and blame me when you don't get the desired effect. however, do make sure to videotape the scene so i can get a good laugh. for both, there's just no English equivalent but they're very potent in the expressions they encapsulate. i imagine it's like the French word "merde" but you don't just say it. there's a whole facial exercise attached to it and it comes out as MERRRRDE! get my drift?

i look forward to adding to this list. reader beware.

happy friday!

'Beautiful veins'

So I went to donate platelets yesterday morning (if you're wondering why, pls backtrack to my first post) and while I still am not sure what my platelets will do for young Liam (I seriously love that name!) it was quite an experience. It started out as a quiet morning in MSKCC filling out forms. There was a older lady and older man (sitting separately) in the waiting room with me. The nurses were super nice and after I filled out the paperwork I pulled out le iPod and grabbed a Domino magazine to kill time. They called me in and commenced with the onslaught of questions they ask before donating blood ie., have I paid or been paid for for sex? Of course I said yes (kidding). There was a supervising doctor also in the room as the woman who I was speaking to was in training. The door was left open a crack and we could audibly hear the older lady in the next room talking to the doctor about her IBS problem and recent colonoscopy. Apparently the older lady was hard of hearing and had a tendency to really project her voice whenever she spoke. The trainee and I exchanged a giggle about the personal info being openly broadcasted. Once we were through I went into the donor room and of course, of course, of course they placed me right next to the older lady (heretofore known as 'ol'). The room is an open space with a 10 or so recliner-esque chairs hooked up to machines staffed by a handful of nurses who circulate and monitor the donors. For the second time that morning, I was complimented on the size of my veins (you know what they say about people with big veins...) and promptly poked with the needle. The ol was unfortunately not so lucky. She had next to no visible veins and on top of that was anxiety prone so as the nurses searched both her arms I could feel the anxiety rise in our corner of the room. Turns out she was having blood drawn for a knee replacement surgery she was having next week and kept asking the nurses in a serious NY accent, 'what's gonna happen with THE SURGERY,' 'will i still be able to have THE SURGERY?,' 'will you call my doctor and tell him about this for THE SURGERY?' There were approximately 4 nurses that hovered around her, each asking the other to double check while fielding the ol's questions. One determined nurse found a vein and while the ol squirmed a bit at every touch they finally poked her and blood started flowing. But not fast enough. 'You'll be here for awhile ma'am,' they said. 'Oh gawd, I always have this problem when they take the blood from me. They can neva finda vein. Why is that? Is this somethin' I'm bawn with?' The assault of shouted questions visibly took their toll on the batallion of nurses. Then the blood stopped flowing into the bag. "What happened? Am I going to have to be poked again? Why is this so difficult? I'm cold, maybe it's because I just spent 5 months in Flaaarida? Do you think it's because I spent 5 months in Flaaarida?' The nurses removed the needle and frantically searched for another vein. They tried other machines. Nothing worked. Meanwhile, my anxiety level was rising as all this was going on around me, my machine started beeping as I had forgotten to squeeze every so often. My nurse came over and said, 'but you were doing so well.' I focused on my machine and got to squeezing. 'You mean after all this I can't get my own blood? Is the blood in the bank safe? I want my own blood. Will I be able to have THE SURGERY?' Let me say that this ol tried to be as nice as possible, just bc she was speaking loudly doesn't mean she was yelling or angry. It was the anxiety mixed with the shouting that made it all dramatic. In the end she apologized to the nurses for being a 'bad patient' and admitted to being a 'coward.' The nurses asked if she had kids or came with anyone. She said no and no. After the ol left my main nurse came over to me and announced that she now officially had a headache after all the commotion. I said that the ol was quite a trip. Then the nurse and I chatted about her daughters and her 'unmotivated' boyfriend of 2 months for a bit before she told me to look for jobs on the MSKCC website so that one day we could have lunch. I thanked her for her help and was thankful that I was born with 'beautiful veins' and went on my merry way.

Workout

I'm talkin' about the show here though I did manage to get my arse to the gym today. Anyway, I just watched the season finale of this strangely magnetic show (at least for me) and the one thing that they kept harping on and, honestly, I hope is apparent to the people I care about in my life, is that you have to let people know how much you care. Right away. All day. Every day. Okay maybe not every day but it's all in the sentiment. I recognize this is neither rocket science nor a new discovery but helllllll it doesn't hurt to have a reminder even if it's from a cheesy show. To people out there who are afraid to wear their heart on their sleeve (romantic or otherwise), to be vulnerable and to be honest with themselves consider this a plea. I'm not the omnicient narrator here, this applies to me in some relationships as well and it's a work in progress. There's so much out there. See it. Love it. Do it now.

Sunsets and the sun in general

I'm looking outside my window right now (8:24PM EST) and see a palette of colors ranging from a dark yellow to a deep orange. I've always been intrigued by the sky, sunrises, sunsets and more recently clouds (thanks to Milee). There's something very ethereal and calming about just looking at them. The colors are unreal and it reminds me that the days are getting longer. I feel like a stoner/ space cadet sometimes when I happen across a pretty sky and point it out to friends, "heyyyyyyyyy maaaaaaaan, look at those clouds. It's liiiikkke, they're floating or something." But I still do it regardless. ;) These are the things to stop and appreciate people! We see so much ugliness ya gotta see the beauty too to balance yourself out.

Over and out.

8:55PM - I'm reading Real Simple and just came across this: "Remember that the most beautiful things in the world are the most useless; peacocks and lilies for instance." - John Ruskin

Bollocks! (I'm watching a British show right now, forgive the lingo.) But seriously, how are they 'useless'? Beauty serves a distinct purpose as an elixir, a distraction, an oasis of sorts. But perhaps he's so darn happy he doesn't need anything else????? Who knows and who am I to judge. Just sayin'.

The Five Boro

It's the second year I've done the Five Boro Bike Tour and I say it went faster this year. Mike thinks it's bc we listened to musica and thus created a distraction from the mindless pedaling. Mr. Canadia could be right. We finished at 12:30PM. Pretty much on par with last year and once again Jen bailed on us before reaching the 5th boro. We joked that next year we'll rent a tandem for 3 people, if that even exists, and then she'll actually make it to Staten Island. Though perhaps she made the right choice since we were stuck on the island of Staten longer than we liked since the ferries weren't running properly. But per the usual, we made the best of it and hung out at the Cargo Cafe until the line of bikers and bikes waiting for the ferry dissipated a bit. In the meantime, The Law and company joined us at the cafe and expanded the party. We finally made it back to the main island 7ish and then rendezvoused with Cholita and Lan at The Barking Dog after some drunken pedaling up the West Side Highway and then across town. Super safe, I know. Sometimes I think about how lucky I am to not be dead or severely injured from my frequent stupidity.

In any case, I've decided to start this blog because rather than bombard my friends inboxes with my musings I'll let them read this when they have the time and because many people have told me I should. I'm easily convinced, what can I say? And what better time to do it than right now, between jobs? Since I started journaling more frequently during my travels I find that I often want to write down my thoughts and share them but am never quite sure where and who'd be interested. I've actually thought about scanning in my journals but instead have chosen to copy excerpts to the numerous social networking sites I belong to, most often Facebook.

I don't know what I hope to accomplish by sharing my thoughts but I do find it cathartic. It makes life easier for me if people know what I think and how I operate. It saves me some explaining and sometimes I think I express myself better in writing than I do otherwise. I don't like repeating myself much so this kind of a forum works even better.

So what have I done today you ask? Not much, except start this blog and make an appointment to donate platelets (http://princeliamthebrave.blogspot.com/index.html) for tomorrow morning. I've never even met him but I do know his mother in her professional capacity. She's always been awesome to me and nothing tortures me more than hearing about not-so-well kids. It seems so unfair, he's not even 3 yrs old. I recognize that there are sick people everywhere but young Liam's story struck a chord with me and I felt like there's something I can actually do so there you go.

Spring is here and Summer is around the corner. How exciting. I made a list awhile back about all the things I want to do this summer including Summerstage, P.S.1, WTB, outdoor movie nights (at the Piers or Bryant Park), Hyde Park Drive-In, and wine tasting just to mention a few and I can't wait to get started. We had our first rooftop picnic this weekend and it was just a preview of the fun times that await as the weather gets warmer. I think the only reason I can deal with winter, besides indulging my coat fetish, is that it makes me appreciate the sunnier months much more. Hopefully, the temps keep climbing and the skies only get more beautiful.