Just wanted to share some simple yet excellent song lyrics:
With Every Heartbeat by Robyn
'Maybe we could make it alright
We could make it better sometime
Maybe we could make it happen baby
We could keep trying
but things will never change
So I don’t look back
Still I’m dying with every step I take
But I don’t look back
Just a little, little bit better
Good enough to waste some time
Tell me would it make you happy baby
We could keep trying
but things will never change
So I don’t look back
Still I’m dying with every step I take
But I don’t look back
We could keep trying
but things will never change
So I don’t look back
Still I’m dying with every step I take
But I don’t look back
And it hurts with every heartbeat
It hurts with every heartbeat'
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
action
when you think about the last action you performed that required thought (i need to go to the gym, i need to buy milk, i need to plan a holiday, i need to check my email, etc.) what are the processes that take it from thought to action? does the amount of thought correspond with the severity and importance of the action? why do some thoughts remain thoughts and never become action? and how does the brain filter? why do some have problems with action and not others? they're all very abstract questions. i recognize this. but i'm gonna try anyway.
i think, for basic everyday actions like going to the gym, cooking, buying milk, checking email, going to the bathroom, and going to work, etc., the thought process happens quickly because the actions are remote, habitual, innate and therefore barely register as actual 'thoughts.' they generally have already been learned. but when it comes to new actions like taking a new route to work, learning a new sport, new language, starting a new relationship or anything that could be written with the word 'new' the processes take longer. 'duh,' you say. 'barb, you're comparing basic human functions to larger changes, not the same thing.' you're right. but at some point, wasn't learning those basic human functions a big deal? or is it still apples and oranges?
what prompts some to action and not others?
for some reason i feel like i'm in the minority sometimes as far as people who think and actually 'do.' i like to talk and analyze. i can do it backwards, forwards, sideways and backwards again but if it's within my realm of possibility, i will also just plain do it. because isn't that the only real way to find out what you're capable of? (i was about to type 'the best way' but decided that using the word 'best' would make it a judgement and this is just thought not judgement) i've discovered it's not so for many people. but why? can we just chalk it up to all of us being different? a lack of want perhaps? or fear of the unknown? for the latter, is it then easier for a person to just constantly wonder than try to conquer the fear?
there are also people who think about something that is very much outside of their norm and do it when the right opportunity presents itself and i wonder what drives them from thought to action. but i guess i just answered my own question by saying it was the presence of, 'the right opportunity.'
undoubtedly, there are thoughts we all have that don't become reality. once upon a time i thought about shaving my head, luckily, for the greater good, i never followed through. but when was the last time you've seriously thought about something like buying a new computer, moving to Timbuktu, quitting your job, but haven't followed through with? why? i think for me, it's almost always a lack of want. i've always said that i really have to want something (moving, new computer,) or really want to be done with something else (jobs, relationships, my old computer) that the action takes place. to me, it's all about want. so if that's my mentality, that's also how i anticipate other people to process their thoughts ('they must not be doing it because they don't really want it'). i wonder what the truth is in that? am i thinking too black and white?
i guess all i can do is continually try to see others' perspectives and trust that they are capable of making their own decisions. but if you know me, you know i like to be in control and will unconsciously try to make those decisions for others even if they don't know that i'm trying. honestly, i think that's why i try to be all things to some people because then i've done my best, presented myself in the best light and will therefore be relatively blameless and free of my conscience in hindsight. because, to me, there's nothing worse than regret. nothing worse than looking back and saying, 'i should have.' because there's nothing you can DO about it once the moment has passed. so there it is. lack of action = regret (to me)
what do you think?
i think, for basic everyday actions like going to the gym, cooking, buying milk, checking email, going to the bathroom, and going to work, etc., the thought process happens quickly because the actions are remote, habitual, innate and therefore barely register as actual 'thoughts.' they generally have already been learned. but when it comes to new actions like taking a new route to work, learning a new sport, new language, starting a new relationship or anything that could be written with the word 'new' the processes take longer. 'duh,' you say. 'barb, you're comparing basic human functions to larger changes, not the same thing.' you're right. but at some point, wasn't learning those basic human functions a big deal? or is it still apples and oranges?
what prompts some to action and not others?
for some reason i feel like i'm in the minority sometimes as far as people who think and actually 'do.' i like to talk and analyze. i can do it backwards, forwards, sideways and backwards again but if it's within my realm of possibility, i will also just plain do it. because isn't that the only real way to find out what you're capable of? (i was about to type 'the best way' but decided that using the word 'best' would make it a judgement and this is just thought not judgement) i've discovered it's not so for many people. but why? can we just chalk it up to all of us being different? a lack of want perhaps? or fear of the unknown? for the latter, is it then easier for a person to just constantly wonder than try to conquer the fear?
there are also people who think about something that is very much outside of their norm and do it when the right opportunity presents itself and i wonder what drives them from thought to action. but i guess i just answered my own question by saying it was the presence of, 'the right opportunity.'
undoubtedly, there are thoughts we all have that don't become reality. once upon a time i thought about shaving my head, luckily, for the greater good, i never followed through. but when was the last time you've seriously thought about something like buying a new computer, moving to Timbuktu, quitting your job, but haven't followed through with? why? i think for me, it's almost always a lack of want. i've always said that i really have to want something (moving, new computer,) or really want to be done with something else (jobs, relationships, my old computer) that the action takes place. to me, it's all about want. so if that's my mentality, that's also how i anticipate other people to process their thoughts ('they must not be doing it because they don't really want it'). i wonder what the truth is in that? am i thinking too black and white?
i guess all i can do is continually try to see others' perspectives and trust that they are capable of making their own decisions. but if you know me, you know i like to be in control and will unconsciously try to make those decisions for others even if they don't know that i'm trying. honestly, i think that's why i try to be all things to some people because then i've done my best, presented myself in the best light and will therefore be relatively blameless and free of my conscience in hindsight. because, to me, there's nothing worse than regret. nothing worse than looking back and saying, 'i should have.' because there's nothing you can DO about it once the moment has passed. so there it is. lack of action = regret (to me)
what do you think?
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
My childhood
Dearest Sandra mentioned shopping for school supplies which just inspired me to come up with this random list of youth related things so blame her...
-Trapper Keepers (a new one every year. duh!)
-The acompanying folders that only fit into said Trapper Keepers
-Mead
-# 2 Pencils
-Marble composition notebooks (bonus points if you could get the colored ones)
-Book protectors/wrappers
-Anything prominently featuring Keroppi or Hello Kitty (not for me of course)
-Metal lunchboxes with thermoses (mine was Annie)
-'Scratch and sniff' anything
-Bazooka (and you have to share/swap the comics with friends)
-Think Michael Jackson and Prince were the same person (I did!)
-Own a headband
-Wax on wax off
-Color Me Badd
-Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch
-Know how to properly spell "Sike!"
-Tamagotchis
-Cabbage Patch Kids and Garbage Pail Kids
-Neon clothing
-TGIF (AND the jingle)
-Alf (i had the hand puppet)
-Know who Balki Bartokomouse is (hello Perfect Strangers!)
-Mr. Belvedere
-'Picture it...Sicily 1949...'
-Hogan's Family
-227
-Know who was "movin' on up to the east side, into a deeeelux apartment in the skyyyy"
-Empty Nest
-Nurses
-The Smurfs and the Snorks
-He Man
-Transformers
-Thundercats
-Know that it's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and not TMNT as it is known today
-8 bit Nintendo (knowing the duck hunt gun had to be ON the tv screen to work and blowing on the cartridge to get the game working)
-"only $19.99 plus shipping and handling"
-Landlines
-Walkman
-Love Phones with Dr. Judy on zzzzzzz100
-Making tapes (including diving at the stereo/hi-fi to stop recording from the radio once the song ended)
-Hate Barney
-You brought Trolls to school
- "___________ & ____________ sitting in a tree, KISSING, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage!"
-MASH (the show and the game)
-The fine art of making fortune tellers
-Have they found Carmen Sandiego yet?
-Small Wonder
-Be confused by the Macarena
-Slap bracelets
-PeeWee's Playhouse
Last but not least, be prepared to discuss the previous night's episode of 90210, Melrose Place, Cheers, Seinfeld, Fresh Prince, Blossom, Full House, Dawson's Creek, Different Strokes, and/or Friends. Only discuss Golden Girls with VERY close friends. Oh and have people make fun of you because you weren't allowed to go see movies which resulted in you missing crucial avant-garde cinema such as Pretty in Pink, Space Balls, and Ferris Bueller's Day Off and relevant references stemming from those films (ie., Bueller!) until much later in life. Oh wait, that was just me.
we've got some additions!
Tube socks (neon color=bonus points)
Scrunchies (had way too many of these)
Zinc sun protection (wore this at camp...I remember the bright pink)
Slip 'n Slide (loved that thing in the summer- although it killed the grass on my lawn...)
MC Hammer Pants
Cosby Show
Family Ties
Rainbow Bright
She-Ra (had to mention her if you mentioned He-man)
Carebears
Cabbage Patch Kids (I recall one that burped)
Pepsi Clear
Goonies
Zest commercials (those "zestfully clean" commercials were catchy)
Tie Dye Shirts
Bleaching jeans
those hideous colorful "rings" you tied up your long t-shirts with
-Trapper Keepers (a new one every year. duh!)
-The acompanying folders that only fit into said Trapper Keepers
-Mead
-# 2 Pencils
-Marble composition notebooks (bonus points if you could get the colored ones)
-Book protectors/wrappers
-Anything prominently featuring Keroppi or Hello Kitty (not for me of course)
-Metal lunchboxes with thermoses (mine was Annie)
-'Scratch and sniff' anything
-Bazooka (and you have to share/swap the comics with friends)
-Think Michael Jackson and Prince were the same person (I did!)
-Own a headband
-Wax on wax off
-Color Me Badd
-Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch
-Know how to properly spell "Sike!"
-Tamagotchis
-Cabbage Patch Kids and Garbage Pail Kids
-Neon clothing
-TGIF (AND the jingle)
-Alf (i had the hand puppet)
-Know who Balki Bartokomouse is (hello Perfect Strangers!)
-Mr. Belvedere
-'Picture it...Sicily 1949...'
-Hogan's Family
-227
-Know who was "movin' on up to the east side, into a deeeelux apartment in the skyyyy"
-Empty Nest
-Nurses
-The Smurfs and the Snorks
-He Man
-Transformers
-Thundercats
-Know that it's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and not TMNT as it is known today
-8 bit Nintendo (knowing the duck hunt gun had to be ON the tv screen to work and blowing on the cartridge to get the game working)
-"only $19.99 plus shipping and handling"
-Landlines
-Walkman
-Love Phones with Dr. Judy on zzzzzzz100
-Making tapes (including diving at the stereo/hi-fi to stop recording from the radio once the song ended)
-Hate Barney
-You brought Trolls to school
- "___________ & ____________ sitting in a tree, KISSING, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage!"
-MASH (the show and the game)
-The fine art of making fortune tellers
-Have they found Carmen Sandiego yet?
-Small Wonder
-Be confused by the Macarena
-Slap bracelets
-PeeWee's Playhouse
Last but not least, be prepared to discuss the previous night's episode of 90210, Melrose Place, Cheers, Seinfeld, Fresh Prince, Blossom, Full House, Dawson's Creek, Different Strokes, and/or Friends. Only discuss Golden Girls with VERY close friends. Oh and have people make fun of you because you weren't allowed to go see movies which resulted in you missing crucial avant-garde cinema such as Pretty in Pink, Space Balls, and Ferris Bueller's Day Off and relevant references stemming from those films (ie., Bueller!) until much later in life. Oh wait, that was just me.
we've got some additions!
Tube socks (neon color=bonus points)
Scrunchies (had way too many of these)
Zinc sun protection (wore this at camp...I remember the bright pink)
Slip 'n Slide (loved that thing in the summer- although it killed the grass on my lawn...)
MC Hammer Pants
Cosby Show
Family Ties
Rainbow Bright
She-Ra (had to mention her if you mentioned He-man)
Carebears
Cabbage Patch Kids (I recall one that burped)
Pepsi Clear
Goonies
Zest commercials (those "zestfully clean" commercials were catchy)
Tie Dye Shirts
Bleaching jeans
those hideous colorful "rings" you tied up your long t-shirts with
Monday, May 19, 2008
No reservations
it's the middle of the day here in Park Slope and i'm watching "No Reservations" with Anthony Bourdain. what's usually a funny show about a tall NY chef traveling and eating in foreign countries and other states in the U.S., is not so funny because in this episode, he's in Beirut. while he's there, he only gets to enjoy one local meal before bombing breaks out. the rest of the episode is about them hiding out in a hotel in a 'safe' part of town and about evacuating out of the city. there are clips of them hanging out by the hotel's pool watching clouds of dropped bombs not so far away. what must that be like? i mean, Bourdain said the most shameful thing they could have had on tape was lounge by the pool and watch. there were kids frolicking in the pool no less. but at the same time there was nothing they could do. their security guy's house was leveled and all they could do was wait at the hotel for the state department to evacuate them. finally they were evacuated by the Marines but in the meantime leaving loads of people behind who weren't as lucky. geez. i mean, thinking about my life, living in park slope where the most drama happens when a parent posts about a lost 'boys hat' on the parents board that caused a huge hoopla over gender politics, i have to think about how lucky i am. how lucky that living in a war zone is NOT my existence and how lucky i am to be able to do the things i do. to have the people i have. to laugh as much as i do. to be as frivolous as i can be.
i have no idea how long ago this episode was taped but i think that's irrelevant. it's about knowing how lucky you are because you can tell how lucky the usually snarky Bourdain, feels and how much he increasingly appreciates life even during the course of this one episode. it was something as trivial as having mac and cheese on the navy boat that triggered a feeling of comfort bc it was a sign that he was safer than he was only days before, it reminded him of home, and he fact that he was on his way back to life as he knows it. mac and cheese, this is a serious NY chef and it was mac and cheese that made him appreciate life. awesome. the experience reminded him that there was no guarantee of tomorrow. because we only have the moment, what's in front of us right now. because our main job in life is really to enjoy the time we have. right. now. thank your lucky stars that, if you're reading this, you likely live a privileged existence. appreciate it. do what you can for the greater good and those near and dear to you and enjoy.
i have no idea how long ago this episode was taped but i think that's irrelevant. it's about knowing how lucky you are because you can tell how lucky the usually snarky Bourdain, feels and how much he increasingly appreciates life even during the course of this one episode. it was something as trivial as having mac and cheese on the navy boat that triggered a feeling of comfort bc it was a sign that he was safer than he was only days before, it reminded him of home, and he fact that he was on his way back to life as he knows it. mac and cheese, this is a serious NY chef and it was mac and cheese that made him appreciate life. awesome. the experience reminded him that there was no guarantee of tomorrow. because we only have the moment, what's in front of us right now. because our main job in life is really to enjoy the time we have. right. now. thank your lucky stars that, if you're reading this, you likely live a privileged existence. appreciate it. do what you can for the greater good and those near and dear to you and enjoy.
Monday, May 5, 2008
I want your life
lately, i've had a handful of people say this to me and while i find it tremendously flattering i'm not quite sure what to do with it. i don't have anything they don't. if anything, perhaps, just a more relaxed attitude to life. is that possible? perhaps i'm not as driven and type A as others? i can languish in unemployment for a short period without feeling too guilty. on the contrary i'd like to go on a roadtrip or two if possible. but i dunno, the sentiment is a great compliment to me, i guess i'm doing something right? i just hope if other people want it that they can get it. can i help?
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