Just watched the season finale of Californication and the most recent episode of Weeds. I think I like the former because one of the main protagonists is a lovesick writer a very well spoken one at that who really knows how to get across what he thinks and feels. But he's no wuss. He can throw down with anyone yet joke around freely with his friends. I think I admire him in a way.
Not that I want to be lovesick or throw down but I really appreciate the intensity of his emotion and his willingness to put it out there. Yes he's older, likely wiser and perhaps with less pride to lose but one would think it could possibly be harder to admit fault and give in to starting over even if the other person is willing. I think I just appreciate people who wear their heart on their sleeve in any realm, not just romantic. Life's too short right? Isn't that what "they" always say? I still have yet to figure out who "they" really is but I feel that if we quote "them" all the time "they" must be speaking from a place of authority. haha. It's why I like this particular show. I appreciate the intensity because that's how I am when I feel strongly about things. Actually, I think I'm generally fairly intense but luckily I know how to temper it. I don't think there's anything wrong with knowing what you like and don't like because honestly, it's hard enough being sure of that in itself so why not just express it. I like to think that most of the people I hold close to me in life either appreciate intensity or are intense themselves. It's a highly underrated quality because most associate it with craziness or 'too much too soon,' or 'they're desperate.' Honestly, I agree, there are some crazies out there who play crazy off as intensity but I think those of us who are aware can tell the genuine article from those who should seek professional assistance. I'm so mean. In any case, if people have problems with my intensity they're not as involved in my life or perhaps not at all but that's by their choice so I don't feel bad about it. It's one of my defining qualities...
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Lucky
I'm sad. Sad bc there are so many people who aren't as lucky as I am. I just watched a Spanish movie called 'Princesa,' which is about these two young prostitutes in Madrid. One did it out of desperation to support her son, the other had such a sad life that being a whore almost seemed like an improvement. We don't know why her life was bad but we just know it was. I can't imagine the depths of sadness and desperation one must feel in that situation. I just can't. What I can't imagine even more is why some people are given that path in life and why I'm so lucky to have all that I have. I'm not going to ignore the fact that I've created a lot of my own happiness but why can't others do the same? Is it bc they're so far down that they can't pick themselves up? I don't get it. It seems that when people are down they do one of three things, they pull themselves together and get back on their feet or they choose to keep along on the same path or worse yet they fall victim to the path of the downward spiral.
Some people need help getting up.
I want to be that person for all the people I care about in my life...
Because while life can be a bitch it can also be wonderous and I want it to be wonderous as much as possible for everyone involved. I'm not gonna deny that it's a bit selfish of me bc if everyone around me is happy then what else is left for me but happiness? :)
Some people need help getting up.
I want to be that person for all the people I care about in my life...
Because while life can be a bitch it can also be wonderous and I want it to be wonderous as much as possible for everyone involved. I'm not gonna deny that it's a bit selfish of me bc if everyone around me is happy then what else is left for me but happiness? :)
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Quality
So I'm looking at my ipod playlist on itunes, i have a teeny nano that holds about 1800 songs. One would think that'd be enough no? NO! everytime M gives me new music i have to pick through what i have to see what's 'deletable' in order to fit more new tunes. it's frustrating bc it takes time to wade through music and to figure out whether you want to keep it or not. Luckily Britney's new album is easily expendable within listening to the entire thing in minutes. J-Lo's album is a but better but nuttin is grabbing me at the moment. My point is that it's the eternal debate of quality vs. quantity. We're raised in a society that always wants more more more and though intellectually i (and I hope we) know that more is not necessarily better it's a hard concept to resist sometimes. I think we've become hoarders which, if you've been to my apt, is obv a problem since I've just got so much crap.
In any case, I have a removable harddrive of music that has been Barb tested and approved and I have to be okay with knowing that I possess the music but that i can't access it whenever i want on the b-pod. Luckily, if Britney (j-Lo ain't sounding too much better at this point) keeps putting out this crap (full disclosure, I love Gimme More. Britney, gimme more o' dat yo!) I wont have such debates of music conscience.
On a similar note, there was an issue raised this week of "Are the Chinese Trying to Kill Us?" It was a posting about the recent news regarding questionable products coming out of China. DUMAS, the country of China is not trying to kill your hick ass. Stop being so egocentric. Every company is responsible for their own product. If they choose to be cheap and compromise the materials, labor, and quality control it's their ish to deal with if the product comes out horribly wrong. Do you expect the doubtless billions of factory workers (likely poor) in China have any control over A. What they make or B. How safe the product is? They're just content to have a job. There aren't unions (that I'm aware of) there to fight for workers rights as there are in the U.S. It's likely that the Chinese workers are probably getting ill from making the stuff. So are the Chinese trying to kill themselves too? It's ignorance like that that SEVERELY pisses me off. I'm no advocate for China. I've never been and have no real desire to go. Yes, I was born in Hong Kong but that's not the point. Blanket, and purposely inflammatory statements like that are obviously NOT thought through and while free speech is one of the great things about this country (and the internet) it's statements like that that encourage hate and xenophobia. Someone always has to be blamed. It must be the 'other.' I love free speech but if you're going to blame someone, blame the source not the minions.
FYI- ALL of J-Lo's songs sound the same, it's like one continuous loop.
In any case, I have a removable harddrive of music that has been Barb tested and approved and I have to be okay with knowing that I possess the music but that i can't access it whenever i want on the b-pod. Luckily, if Britney (j-Lo ain't sounding too much better at this point) keeps putting out this crap (full disclosure, I love Gimme More. Britney, gimme more o' dat yo!) I wont have such debates of music conscience.
On a similar note, there was an issue raised this week of "Are the Chinese Trying to Kill Us?" It was a posting about the recent news regarding questionable products coming out of China. DUMAS, the country of China is not trying to kill your hick ass. Stop being so egocentric. Every company is responsible for their own product. If they choose to be cheap and compromise the materials, labor, and quality control it's their ish to deal with if the product comes out horribly wrong. Do you expect the doubtless billions of factory workers (likely poor) in China have any control over A. What they make or B. How safe the product is? They're just content to have a job. There aren't unions (that I'm aware of) there to fight for workers rights as there are in the U.S. It's likely that the Chinese workers are probably getting ill from making the stuff. So are the Chinese trying to kill themselves too? It's ignorance like that that SEVERELY pisses me off. I'm no advocate for China. I've never been and have no real desire to go. Yes, I was born in Hong Kong but that's not the point. Blanket, and purposely inflammatory statements like that are obviously NOT thought through and while free speech is one of the great things about this country (and the internet) it's statements like that that encourage hate and xenophobia. Someone always has to be blamed. It must be the 'other.' I love free speech but if you're going to blame someone, blame the source not the minions.
FYI- ALL of J-Lo's songs sound the same, it's like one continuous loop.
Monday, October 1, 2007
The Wedding
As many of you know I had what was likely one of the biggest weddings of my life this past weekend. It was emotional, draining, and incredible all at once. It's strange watching someone you grew up with from the very awkward high school years walk down the aisle. I've known so many stages of her and they were all very different. But watching her walk down the aisle was reassuring, she just looked straight ahead at her groom, completely calm and with full confidence. As she said, she couldn't even look at me bc she heard me sniffling. I'm a sap. Duh. In any case, it was amazing to see how confident she was. Isn't that what we all wish for? We all want to be with someone who we trust...completely, love...unconditionally, and feel...safe with. Good for her, young bride!
In any case, I am pooped, a little sad, a little amazed, and alot excited for them. Sad because it made me think that I have a long way to go, amazed that she's officially a wife, and excited to see what lies ahead for them. But I recognize that the sadness is momentary.
I was telling J yesterday that I occasionally have these flashes of overwhelming sadness and I'm never quite sure where they come from or what triggers them but I also know that if I felt that way all the time I'd probably have to kill myself. ha. But they are flashes, blips, and only seconds long. Upon reflection I think it's a sense of 'abandonment' and maybe even 'loneliness' that i've grown up with in my unconventional childhood that floods me on occasion and serves as a reminder of just how my emotional development may even be a little stunted because of it but really I think it reminds me of how different i am, how unlike everyone else i may be. sounds dramatic i know but i've yet to meet anyone who's in the same situation as me. suffice it to say i've met people who've had it worse but still not the same. which makes me realize that this is maybe why i like to be so occupied, why i like to be surrounded by people as much as possible. and that's not to say that i don't like to be alone (which i do) but perhaps i don't like too much time to be 'still.' perhaps why i choose to focus on others and not myself. perhaps why i'm so concerned with people liking me. it's all very interesting how someone like me turns being left alone as a child into an all out 24-7 party as an adult. if you know me, it makes sense and you probably know all of this already anyway. but i also like who i am, sometimes i am concerned that i don't consider my own feelings enough but overall i've really got nuttin to complain about. nuttin. i got all kinds of compliments this weekend and i appreciate them. i know that generally, i am in a good place so don't take this whole diatribe the wrong way, it's just me writing myself out as i'm prone to do. a bit of introspection never hurts and i've always enjoyed it. oh and just because i was left alone at one point doesn't negate the fact that i've had a very supportive family behind me from then onward. it's probably a woe-is-me way for me to think of myself so that i can hear reinforcement from other people. but enough of this heavy stuff.
what's up with you? nuttin' what's up with you? nuttin' what's up with you?
- what movie is that from?
In any case, I am pooped, a little sad, a little amazed, and alot excited for them. Sad because it made me think that I have a long way to go, amazed that she's officially a wife, and excited to see what lies ahead for them. But I recognize that the sadness is momentary.
I was telling J yesterday that I occasionally have these flashes of overwhelming sadness and I'm never quite sure where they come from or what triggers them but I also know that if I felt that way all the time I'd probably have to kill myself. ha. But they are flashes, blips, and only seconds long. Upon reflection I think it's a sense of 'abandonment' and maybe even 'loneliness' that i've grown up with in my unconventional childhood that floods me on occasion and serves as a reminder of just how my emotional development may even be a little stunted because of it but really I think it reminds me of how different i am, how unlike everyone else i may be. sounds dramatic i know but i've yet to meet anyone who's in the same situation as me. suffice it to say i've met people who've had it worse but still not the same. which makes me realize that this is maybe why i like to be so occupied, why i like to be surrounded by people as much as possible. and that's not to say that i don't like to be alone (which i do) but perhaps i don't like too much time to be 'still.' perhaps why i choose to focus on others and not myself. perhaps why i'm so concerned with people liking me. it's all very interesting how someone like me turns being left alone as a child into an all out 24-7 party as an adult. if you know me, it makes sense and you probably know all of this already anyway. but i also like who i am, sometimes i am concerned that i don't consider my own feelings enough but overall i've really got nuttin to complain about. nuttin. i got all kinds of compliments this weekend and i appreciate them. i know that generally, i am in a good place so don't take this whole diatribe the wrong way, it's just me writing myself out as i'm prone to do. a bit of introspection never hurts and i've always enjoyed it. oh and just because i was left alone at one point doesn't negate the fact that i've had a very supportive family behind me from then onward. it's probably a woe-is-me way for me to think of myself so that i can hear reinforcement from other people. but enough of this heavy stuff.
what's up with you? nuttin' what's up with you? nuttin' what's up with you?
- what movie is that from?
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