waking up

today i woke up happy to be alive. why? no idea. i just did and noted the feeling. did something happen last night to trigger it? well if you mean hanging out with awesome people and having a good time as i've always done, then yes. it's nice to wake up and feel good about your life. no, i'm not saving lives or changing the world but i think everyone benefits in one way or another when people are happy. so the lesson of the day is be happy, be glad to be alive.

also, karma is a biatch. believe it.

The Unattainable

what makes it so appealing? the challenge? the thought of the challenge? who knows? i'm watching Californication right now which is all about a guy who goes after unavailable women after he's let the 'love of his life' leave him and get engaged to someone else. i think it may be one of my biggest fears in life: letting someone/something go that was just oh-so-right. which is why i think i don't voluntarily let people out of my life. why i cling on to everyone i even remotely get along with in any way and i'm not just talking about romantic attachments here. honestly. the people i like, i like. and why not make the best effort to find out whether we can be great friends or not? i mean, yes, there are many ppl in this world but only a small percentage of which we'll actually click with so for me i think i'd rather just throw myself in and find out for sure. no regrets right? makes sense why i've at least made out with most of my friends. you figure if you click with them in one way why not try the other? slutty as that may sound, and i really resent that word in a serious way, it's true. now, why do i resent that word? bc it's use has become gender biased. when a man, is a slut he's a mack. when a woman's a slut, she's a ho? what? who? why? puuuulease. as long as you enjoy yourself who the hell cares and the people around you shouldn't either if they're worth their salt. peace!

Dilly dallying

and wandering are highly underrated activities. as much as i like planning i equally enjoy not having an itinerary. it's freeing to just be able to go without a destination or thought of time. it's partly why my trip earlier this year was so great. m and i would just roll outta bed and start walking. rarely with a destination in mind. just walked until we wanted to stop somewhere. i didn't even wear a watch for most of that month unless we had to catch a flight/bus. this weekend was kinda like that and i relished it. luckily i was with ppl who could also appreciate the aimlessness and were equally non-committal to anything else. the bonus was that it was a beautiful night in the big city so we just ended up hopping around to the bars with outdoor seating along smith st. did yet another scorpion bowl. still gross after all these years. anyway, i just wanted to say it was freeing, relaxing, and a nice change of pace for this control freak. ;)

onward to a week of virgo bdays! happy happy! love you much.

The wisdom that is...SATC

"I love you too Richard but I love me more."

Just watched SATC with my seriously addicted, of course she didn't catch the fever til after the show ended, roommate. In any case, what a great quote right? It's a nice slap in the face to whoever the offender is, poignant, and sometimes (dammit) you have to put yourself first. Something I've never been too good at. You figure you're born the way you are for a reason right? Everything should work coming out of the showroom, shouldn't it? Maybe. Maybe not. I guess it depends, sometimes it's your environment and the people around you that force you to change whether it's conscious or not. I think it may all be situational. You wouldn't change if there wasn't a need to would you? We're all need-based creatures after all. The things we need change from person to person but the innate instinct is the same. So at that moment, Samantha realized that while she needed Richard (in whatever way), she recognized that she needed to be personally fulfilled first and foremost. Yay Samantha! Yes yes, laugh away that I'm making SATC so deep but it provoked the aforementioned thought.