love is all around

it's an interesting transition when family relationships become friendships. visiting family no longer becomes a once a year thing where you talk about your job and other 'safe' subjects so they don't worry about you being crazy in new york and perhaps killing yourself slowly. i've never really lived near my extended family so i've never been able to build relationships with them that more closely resemble my friendships. but as time passes and the more we see each other in our natural environments with our own groups of friends we get a more complete vision of who we are. we move past just being 'the cuz' and into actual people with lives outside of the family setting. people you're related to don't choose to be, as a result friendships aren't always a given for multitudes of reasons. but i have to say that when it does work, when you finally do bond with family it's exceedingly rewarding because blood ties draw you closer to each other much more quickly. then you find out about how much you have in common, their real wants and desires that aren't the 'safe' answers things get so much more real and interesting. you're no longer making assumptions based on what the other person chooses to show you. you become vulnerable and you don't have the choice of hiding thoughts and feelings and smiling all the time even when you don't want to because they now know better. the layers get peeled away. it's a good feeling.

i think, watching people when they're among close friends really tells you a lot about who they are. are they the ones who watch out for their friends when they're faced with unwanted attention? get them drinks? help them host? how do they greet each other? (are they genuinely excited to see each other?) how do they touch? do they care how they appear to strangers? this weekend i saw a lot of pure excitement between friends, real bonds, and a very real desire to just enjoy the moment. because, really, what else is there? exhausted as i am, i am full of love right now. (please, try not to barf on your keyboard.) i'm very lucky to have the friends i have. and now i feel like i've added a few more exceptional people. thank you.

i think, touch is a very underrated method of communication. minds out of the gutter. i value my personal space just as much as the next person, especially at rush hour on the subway but i've always been particularly drawn to people who greet with big hugs and kisses, or just touch your arm or leg when you're chatting. people who aren't afraid of contact, because i'm not, but because other people tend to be i restrain myself. i think our society has veered away from human contact for whatever reason and we can all use just a little bit more of it. just a touch can speak volumes. this weekend, i realized how important that is to me. i've noticed that i build friendships more quickly with people who are more touchy. because it's comfort. it's reassurance. it's warmth. it's acknowledgement that you're a living, breathing, human being. you're there. perhaps that's why i like to give people massages randomly.

i'm at the airport right now, already missing the people i'm leaving but also excited to be with the people at home. enough rambling i think. plus, people are scowling at me for usurping computer time.

Head Over Feet

I woke up this morning, looked at my iTunes, and out of 6948 songs I picked this song by Alanis Morissette. The lyrics (see below) are a strangely accurate (mostly) in describing my feelings towards Obama.

Last night was electric. Energy pulsed in every crack and crevice of this great city. People screamed in the streets as if it was New Years' or perhaps a jailbreak. It was like we were stirred out of an 8-year coma. Over and over again, people (like myself) who said they've never cared about politics, cared and were unable to explain why. I was convinced that Obama had only possessed New York until last night. I hope that watching him win in a landslide will serve to unite these 50 broken states. To realize that as different as each district, town, and city may be the majority announced last night that we were ready for something different. We know Obama doesn't have shoes to fill, he has shoes to fix. Change wont happen overnight and it would be unrealistic to expect otherwise. Eight years of pouty, childish, holier than thou behavior will take some time to reverse however seeing people in other countries celebrate Obama's victory gives me hope that our reputation in the world community can be repaired. It's time to turn a new leaf, start a new chapter, take a deep breath, do all the things we've said we needed to do, and start the healing. No one who knows me would ever call me a patriot, in fact, people called me a communist in high school, but I have faith in people. Our biggest obstacle is the fear we have in ourselves. I have faith in the things that can be accomplished if we only believed that we could.


'I had no choice but to hear you
You stated your case time and again
I thought about it

You treat me like Im a princess
Im not used to liking that
You ask how my day was

(chorus)
Youve already won me over in spite of me
Dont be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Dont be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldnt help it
Its all your fault

Your love is think and it swallowed me whole
Youre so much braver than I gave you credit for
Thats not lip service

(repeat chorus)

You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience

Youre the best listener that Ive ever met
Youre my best friend
Best friend with benefits
What took me so long

Ive never felt this healthy before
Ive never wanted something rational
I am aware now
I am aware now

(repeat chorus)'